Campus News and Hall Notes

April - June 2004

June 27, 2004

Campus News:

Well, the University got its way. ND has St. Joseph County's approval to re-route Edison and Juniper Roads. However, it will be years before people will be driving on the new roads. The County Council had passed ordinances in favor of the move. County Commissioners unanimously approved the measure. The University had been working toward this for three years. The new Edison Road will be shifted south to tie into Angela Road at the southern end of campus at Notre Dame Avenue. Juniper Road will be re-routed to the east side of campus and form a new intersection with Edison. The University architect said it will likely take three to four years to complete the projects. The first priority is to identify a funding source for the projects. (Don't be surprised if football ticket prices continue there $5 rise for three to four years. Or forever.) Once the funding plan is secured, detailed design work will begin. The new Edison Road segment will be built first at an estimated cost of $6 million. It will not affect traffic because the route currently has only bare fields used for soccer and woods. The design work will take until late winter or early spring to complete with the hopes of construction beginning and ending in 2005. Juniper will be the most dramatic and costly segment. The construction cost is estimated at $10 million. The University also envisions spending several more million dollars on planned changes to internal campus streets and driveways.

The County Commissioners praised the University's efforts to defuse any opposition to the project. Multiple public hearings were held and all community concerns were addressed as well as possible. One final business concern was that of the Jamison Inn to the southeast of campus. A compromise was reached on how to access the Inn and the final barrier to the project was removed.

Campus Watch by the Gipper from Scholastic:

So two roommates, let's call them Neo and Morpheus, are watching "The Matrix: Reloaded" and get a little too into it, wanting to act it out themselves. Neo brings his girlfriend, "Trinity," to the room, and he enters her matrix. While reloading, however, alcohol levels unplug his mind, and he passes out. Morpheus, feeling lonely and ready for action, decides that Trinity isn't named Trinity for nothing, so he joins in the struggle. Neo re-awakens to a strange reality, and because of a mental short-circuit, he pulls the trigger on Morpheus' gun instead of his own - teamwork at its most unfortunate. Luckily, Trinity is more clear-headed and helps Neo convert his software to hardware, so he can finish the missioin. The Gipp doesn't really understand what all this means, but is sufficiently disturbed and can't wait for the sequel.

Hall Notes:

Word is in on another Vermin alum...

Brian "Crew" Welch '97 is moving up in the world. Straight from Crew's own keyboard....

"I'm currently pursuing my Ph.D. in Higher Education Administration at Ohio University in Athens. After graduating from ND, I worked in Sports Information at Louisiana Tech University for a few years and at Syracuse University for a few more. After SU, I decided to pursue an advance degree in Higher Ed at Michigan State University. At MSU, I worked in the Student Athlete Support Services Office.

At OU, I'm the graduate associate in the Dean of Students Office and have another year left when I graduate with my Ph.D."

NDSportscenter:

The baseball team finished the regular season with a record of 46-10, our third most wins ever. The #7 Irish beat boston college in the first round of the Big East tournament. We then beat St. John's and b.c. again. The squad crushed five home runs in the championship victory over b.c. It ws our third straight Big East title. Pitcher Grant Johnson, 2B Steve Sollmann, and 3B Matt Macri were named 1st Team All Big East. The 2nd Team had pitcher Ryan Doherty, pitcher Chris Niesel, and OF Chris Cooper.

The baseball team hosted 1 of 16 NCAA Regionals for the third time in four years. The Irish opened versus Kent State and promptly lost and went right to the losers bracket. D'OH! We battled back to defeat University of California-Irvine and Kent State in a re-match. We made the championship round but had to beat Arizona twice to advance. The team fell to the Wildcats 7-6. We were the heavy favorite and blew it bigtime. The squad finished 51-12. On a happier note, 2B Steve Sollmann was named 1st Team Academic All American. He scored a 4.0 in his final semester. Steve was honored for a 3.44 GPA (in markering) through the first semester of his senior year. 3B Matt Macri has been named an All-American by four different publications. Pitcher Ryan Doherty has also been named an All-American. Pitcher Jeff Samardzija was a Freshman All-American. He had a 2.95 ERA (2nd in Big East), a 5-3 record, and a 0.209 opponents batting average. Jeff also had a 22-inning scoreless streak this year. It was the second longest such streak of the past decade for the Irish.

One of our women's soccer recruits was recently injured in an accident. Susan Pinnick of St. Joseph High School right here in South Bend was hurt in a car accident in Denver. Her traveling summer team was in Colorado for a tournament. The team vehicle was hit and Susan suffered a fractured vertebrae in her neck and an arm injury. Soccer is out for this fall but she hopes to be back next year.

June 20, 2004

Campus News:

President-elect Rev. John I. Jenkins has put out a threefold vision for the future of the University. According to a piece in the South Bend Tribune, Jenkins' plans include "maintaining its traditional excellence in undergraduate teaching, improving it as a key research and graduate institution, and maintaining the University's Catholice identity." How is that any different than Monk's vision? Or any president, for that matter?

Jenkins is already a president in training. He is settling into a new office on the third floor of the Main Building. He will occupy that office for the next 12 months, until he becomes president. Jenkins has specific responsibilities as president- elect. The Board of Trustees has given him some budget matters and he is also working with the development office on a new capital campaign. For the next year Jenkins will be working closely with Monk and John Affleck-Graves, the newly named executive vice president. The president- elect will also be traveling. He will be visiting presidents of some other major universities and key members of the Catholic Church in the U.S. Currently ND's athletic director now reports directly to Monk. Jenkins declined to discuss whether he plans to keep it that way. His current home is Dillon and for 2004-05 he plans to live in Keenan. Jenkins plans to continue Malloy's tradition of the president living in a residence hall. He will not teach a class during 2004-05 but hopes to teach a freshman seminar class while president.

Campus Watch by the Gipper from Scholastic:

It looks like the collapse of the Berlin Wall almost 15 years ago may not have done away entirely with our comrades to the East after all. A Gippling visiting South Quad shot a predawn photo (of
the old U.S.S.R. Soviet flag being flown on the South Quad flag pole at night, probably in the very early a.m.) one weekday morning, immortalizing an act that left the Gipp wondering, "Why didn't I think of that?" You see, the Gipp always has taken a fancy to Communism and all that it has to offer. The Gipp suspects that the culprit is none other than the vice president for student affairs. He's already brought Stalinism to campus in practice; propaganda is the next logical step. For that, the Gipp would like to award this distinguished gentleman with the 2004 inauguarl Gippie Award. Congratulations.

NDSportscenter:

Coach Brey's prize high school senior-to-be verbally committed recruit is a Hoosier. Mike Zeller is a 6'11" center from Washington High School in southern Indiana. He is currently rated the best post player in his high school class and is in the top ten overall. Zeller may be the best recruit we have EVER landed. He has the potential to be a top five player in the nation and dominant in the post. Last year he scored 19.8 ppg and snagged 9.4 rpg. Mike was looking at Illinois, Kansas, Missouri, and Stanford. (Actually he cancelled visits to those last two schools.) Thankfully we also beat out Iowa. The Hawkeyes were recruiting him when he was in 8th grade! Zeller can sign in November. He shouldn't have a problem in school. He currently carries a 4.0 GPA.

The women's tennis team was the #1 seed in the Big East tournament, its 8th #1 seed in 9 years. Unfortunately the ladies fell to #2 seed Miami. It was the 9th consecutive Big East finals match-up and the 4th with Miami being crowned the conference champ. The #29 women received an at-large bid to the NCAAs and met #38 Iowa in round one. Iowa was dusted 4-1 and #9 Northwestern was next. The Wildcats won 4-1 and the Irish finished with a 12-12 record. Senior Alicia Salas made the NCAA singles tournament but withdrew because of a foot injury. But she did win the National Sportsmanship Award. Freshmen twins Catrina and Christina Thompson made the NCAA doubles. The Thompson Twins were the only all-frosh duo in the NCAAs. They were 1 of 32 and had come to ND as the #1 18-and-under doubles team. They upset #15 Illinois in the first round. The twins, though, then fell to a team from William & Mary.

The ND women's crew team captured the team title at the 4th annual Big East Rowing Challenge. The ladies had been second the three previous years. The women won four individual races. The #14 Varsity 8 boat received an at-large bid to the NCAAs. The women reached the semi-finals and then competed in the runner-up race known as the "petite final." The Irish finished 5th in the final and 11th overall. Natalie Ladine was 1 of 22 named 1st Team All-American. Ashlee Warren made the 2nd Team.

June 13, 2004

Campus News:

The Class of 2008 heads to campus at the end of this summer and the Office of Admissions is predicting it will be the brightest one yet. (Doubt it.) A total of 3,359 students were admitted and the University is banking on 1,975 accepting those invitations. The average frosh-to-be is expected to rank in the top 5.5 percent of their high school class. The median SAT score will be 1370 and the median ACT score will be 31. Notre Dame Scholars represent the top 20 percent of incoming students. The Scholars ranked in the top 1.4 percent of their class with a 1518 SAT and a 34 ACT.

Admissions has stated the University has made prolific strides in the last decade. (Glad I got in when all of us dummies could be admitted.) The University was able to select from 11,483 applications. That total was second only to the previous year (when the football team was good). Ethnic minorities are expected to make up 21 percent of the class, with alumni children at 23 percent and international students at 3 percent. The assistant provost for admissions stated, "The quality of the applicant pool now in terms of academics - courses taken, grades, test scores - is as strong as the actual class who enrolled at Notre Dame in the mid '90s." Yeah, but it took 11,483 of 'em to equal 1,800 of us! Alums, don't believe the hype. I've interacted with current Domers. They may be more book smart but, on average, they are lacking in street smarts. Cleverless is lacking while naivety is abundant.

Campus Watch by the Gipper from Scholastic:

The last issue of Scholastic produced five short tales by the Gipper. Here's the first...

Ahoy, Gipplings. Jesus is back. Spring is in the air. Thanks to an ad that recently ran in the campus daily rag, I hear the sports office at Scholastic has been flooded with applications for editor. And the Gipp's email box is full of good tips. Speaking of email, does anyone else find it ridiculous that OIT is asking us for help? Many of you more astute Gipplings may have noticed a news bullet on the WebMail login page that reads: "URGENT: Please help the OIT reclaim disk space..." I don't know about you, but OIT is near the bottom of the Gipp's list of people to help. Could you imagine if other departments behaved this way? "GRAB 'N GO EMERGENCY: Please take only one side item today." Anyway, on to the good stuff.

Hall Notes:

Master and Commander: Far Side of the Campus. This last semester the Vermin entered the Fisher Regatta with a four-year winning streak. I wasn't present and didn't see how it shook down for Carroll this year. All I know is that not only did the Vermin not win, but they also did not make the final. Hopefully the vessel was retained for another shot next year. No word on whether their was any foul play by other dorms like there had been in the past. Looks like Carroll pulled a Smarty Jones.

NDSportscenter:

Mike Brey recently received the verbal commitment of Ryan Ayers, a junior from Germantown Acdemny in Fort Washington, Pennsylvania. The Philly area product is the son of former Ohio State and Philadelphia 76ers coach Randy Ayers. Ryan is a 6'6", 190 lb. #2 guard who is ranked amongst the top 100 juniors. Last year for his powerhouse school he scored 16.8 ppg, snagged 8 rpg, and dished out 4 apg. He excels at defense and is an intelligent, unselfish baller. Brey convinced Ayers to attend ND instead of Virginia, Maryland, or Villanova.

Well, it's official. The football game versus BYU has been moved to the beginning of the season. The game is on the road on Saturday, September 4th. ESPN is showing the game and they were instrumental in moving the game. Six other teams were affected by the move. Now we have a warm-up before the Michigan game. And we also have an additional bye later in the season. Now we have byes before road games at Tennessee and USC. Because of the involvement of six other teams we do have to make amends for a couple other schools. Sometime over the next decade we have to play San Diego State and Nevada-Reno at Notre Dame Stadium. Apparently we were attempting to add 7 home games for a few seasons anyway. BYU was very accommodating in the move. Their athletic director said, "We really like our relationship with Notre Dame so we wanted to help them out." By contrast the USC associate athletic director stated, "We wouldn't do it if it was just to help somebody out." So USC got their way and it is another reminder of why USC sucks.

The men's golf team hosted the Big East Championships at Warren Golf Course. At one point the men were down 5 strokes. But they came back to defeat 3-time defending champion Virginia Tech by 6 strokes. It was the fourth Big East title for the men and the first since 1997. Winning the Big East gave the fellas an automatic trip to the NCAAs. It was our first post- season trip since 1966. The men were the #24 seed (of 27) at an NCAA Regional. Only the top 10 teams would advance. The men made a strong showing, coming in 12th. They were only 4 strokes from advancing. Sophomore Mark Baldwin did the best for the Irish finishing 30th.

June 6, 2004

Campus News:

Last week the issue of grade inflation was mentioned. The Observer ran a piece on grade inflation in the spring. All the information came from the University's Office of Institutional Research. The percentage of undergraduate courses in which half or more students received a grade of A or A- has climbed from 43.6 percent in the spring of 1994 to 64.0 percent in the spring of 2003. The most dramatic increase has been in the College of Engineering. The almost 120 percent rise has resulted from a jump of 24.6 percent in spring 1994 to 39.7 percent in spring 2003. The College of Arts & Letters has the highest percentage with 74.1 percent in spring 2003. The College of Architecture had a lowly 25 percent. The College of Science went from 25 percent in 1994 to 42.1 percent in 2003. The College of Science believes the inflation has now leveled off.

Why the inflation? Opinions vary. Obviously the faculty feels they are in the right. They cite the increase in more qualified students. Of the students entering in the fall of 1993, 79 percent were ranked in the top ten of their high school class and had a mean SAT score of 1218. The 2003 entry class had 84 percent ranked in the top ten and an SAT average of 1359. (It should be noted the test was revised in 1996 into an arguably less difficult exam.) Other faculty members say the grades may be rising because of better teaching or more attention from instructors.

Grade inflation actually began with teachers giving higher marks out of generosity. The inflation began in 1972 with the institution of the Vietnam War draft. At that time Cs an Ds meant a trip to Vietnam. Instructors inflated grades to help pleading students. It happened all over the nation.

One professor said rampant grade inflation can severly impact the credibility of an institution. Distinguishing students who have worked very hard in a given course and thoroughly understand the material is important. Is our institution demanding or a pushover? Said Sunny Boyd, associate professor of biological sciences, "My approach is making the course rigorous enough that I can feel comfortable that students who get As deserve them. I have not been influenced by the idea that I should help students get into medical school by giving them higher grades. Giving people that are not academically strong [artificially high grades] is not doing anybody a favor."

Campus Watch by Me:

May 30, 2004

Campus News:

The campus is vacant. Commencement was two weeks ago and the undergrads were gone before that. Here's some old news about events that took place just before finals....

For the second year in a row, Morrissey residents were punished for vandalism in their dorm. Parietals on weekends were changed from 2 am to midnight. The vandalism included destruction of peg boards, a false alarm and damaging a wheelchair. And speaking of parietals....

As of May, the security monitors who worked in the thirteen women's residence halls were out of jobs. The graveyard shift is being replaced by an outdoor-based, community security officer system that will patrol dorms for both sexes. This move comes after a six-month evaluation that involved input from rectors, students, monitors and two police officers from other campuses who visited ND for two days. The new security will be more in touch with the official campus security. The old monitors more or less worked for the rectors. The monitors were not deemed sufficient and fulfilling the NDSP's mission of providing safety and security.

Female monitors were hired in 1972, the first year women were students on campus. They complemented "firewatch" night employees who monitored both men's and women's dorms at that time. Sprinkler and fire alarm installation eliminated the "firewatch" crew in 1980. NDSP also tried to eliminate the monitors that year but the female rectors wanted them to stay. Now there will be six roving ground patrol officers, who will eacah be assigned to a cluster of four or five residence halls. They will be primarily outside but will also make periodic checks of the 24-hour lounges and public spaces. The roving officers will not venture onto dorms' upper floors unless they are responding to a specific incident.

Campus Watch by Me:

Grade inflation was again a topic of discussion on campus this year, specifically in the Arts and Letters college. Roughly 40 percent of Arts and Letters students are now graduating as double majors. How did double majoring apparently become so easy? Never was the issue of grade inflation more apparent than at commencement two weeks ago. The commencement emcee was giving recognition to the graduates. He asked the summa cum laudes (3.8-4.0 GPA) to stand. Then the magna cum laudes (3.6-3.8 GPA) were called out. Finally the cum laudes (3.4-3.6 GPA) received recognition. Applause was then given to those standing. My insider attending commencement approximated that 50 percent of the Arts and Letters graduates were on their feet. And since when is "B-" considered the average? Whatever happened to "C"?

Hall Notes:

The Art of Heckling: Part 3....

The Vermin, as a group, are as boisterous as any when it comes to heckling. This was most apparent during DOS KLOSKAS' run to the title in 1996. The Final Four contest was particularly memorable. The pack of Vermin must have been about twenty to twenty-five strong. We were located on the north end of the most northeasterly Stepan court. The Vermin lined the baseline and surrounded the basket support. KLOSKAS were facing a team featuring Irish varsity basketball player Ryan Hoover. Whenever the action came down to the Vermin end, Hoover and his team were treated to a barrage of verbal abuse that was unrelenting and hilarious. Hoover played foru years for the Irish and traveled to many a hostile environment when the team took to the road. I dare say the Vermin trash talking put all opponents to shame. Nothing was off limits. I recall one particular heckle...

Hoover was the whole team. He was doing almost all the dribbling and shooting. Ryan is right-handed. And, boy, was he pounding that right-hand dribble into the asphalt. Rarely did the left hand get a touch. One Vermin taunt went a little something like this: "Hey, Hoover, do you ever use your left hand for something other than jerkin'?!?!" I guess I remember that jest best since I yelled it.

So there you have it: The Art of Heckling, Vermin-style.

NDSportscenter:

The baseball team started the year 12-1, the team's best start in 94 years. Then the team reached 20 wins faster than any team since the 1910 squad started 20-1. Thirty wins were reached the quickest in the 112 years of the program. And 40 wins were attained for the 16th straight season. Along the way secondbaseman and pre-season All American Steve Sollman was lost with an injury. He and the rightfielder collided on a pop-up. Steve suffered a broken jaw. The team held together, though. Sollman was able to return a few weeks later. Frosh Jeff Samardzija continues to impress. He is the first two-sport player since Stevel Sollmann's brother, Scott, did so from '94 to '96. Jeff was a walk-on and is now on the #6 team with a 5-2 record and a 1.88 ERA. His ERA is in the top 20 in the nation. The Irish won the Big East regular season for the third time in the last four years. Six seniors graduated two weeks ago and all had GPAs of at least 3.4. The team GPA is 3.16. Central Florida recently visited the Bend for two games. We won both, but the interesting thing was WHY we played them. Florida State canceled the series. We beat the Seminoles at FSU in the 2002 NCAA Super Regional. As a response they called off games against us. Cowards.

The women's lacrosse team started the year 10-0 and climbed to #2 in the rankings. They then ran into #5 Georgetown and fell 9-7. The Northwestern Wildcats then knocked us off. Johns Hopkins emerged victorious 13-12. We had lost 3 in a row but the wheels didn't come completely off. The ship was righted versus #11 Vanderbilt. The team finished tied for second in the Big East and received an at-large bid to be one of sixteen in the NCAA tournament. The #13 Irish again met #6 Northwestern. No luck for the Irish. The ladies lost 10-8 and finished with a 12-5 record. Senior Meredith Simon set the school record for point in a season with 72 (46 goals, 26 assists). She also was named the co-Big East Attack Player of the Year. Abby Owen was named the Big East Midfielder of the Year. Finally, Tracy Coyne was honored as the Big East Coach of the Year.

Anyone see former Irish basketball star Matt Carroll on the San Antonio Spurs bench in street clothes during the NBA Playoffs? The Spurs picked him up but did not have him on the playoff roster. San Antonio called him up from the NBDL where he was playing for the Roanoke Dazzle. Carroll was playing 32 minutes a game, scoring 15.5 ppg, collecting 2.8 rpg, and registering 2.3 apg.

May 16, 2004

Campus News:

Just days after Monk announced he is retiring as president after his current term, the story became the life of Father Joyce. Father Ned Joyce passed away at the age of 87 after complications from a stroke. Joyce was Father Hesburgh's right-hand man for Hesburgh's entire 35 year term. Father Ted considered the executive vice president emeritus his brother. Father Joyce passed away at Holy Cross House on campus. A an article of Father Joyce has been posted on the "Articles of Interest" page.

The other big administration news is that the University finally named a new executive vice president after a year-long search. John Affleck-Graves is the fifth executive vice president and the first layperson in that job. He is to start immediately and previously held the position of a vice president and associate provost. Affleck-Graves is a native of South Africa and a naturalized citizen. He earned his bachelor's, master's and doctoral degrees at the University of Cape Town. John taught at the University of Cape Town from 1975 to 1986 before joining the Notre Dame faculty in the areas of finance and economics. He left ND in 2000 and spent a year as a scholar in finance at Florida State. Affleck-Graves returned to our campus in 2001 and it was then that he became a vice president and assoicate provost. He has received numerous outstanding teaching awards: three is the regular MBA program, two in the Executive MBA program and one for undergraduate teaching. John is married and his two daughters are Domer alums.

Campus Watch by Me:

Two football players were arrested by the South Bend Police in late April and, of course, it made the paper. Freshman defensive back Isaiah Gardner, 19, was arrested for disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. Senior Garron Bible, 22, a former safety, was charged with resisting arrest. The incident revolved around a fight outside a downtown bar. Bible stated it was a "real big misunderstanding" and that they were not in the fight. A crowd had gathered around the fight. Police were breaking it up. Bible said he was arrested when he questioned a police officer whom he said poked Gardner, telling him to move along. "A police officer started pushing my teammate Isaiah in the back," Bible said. He said he asked the officer, " 'Why you gotta put your hands on him?' " Bible said that after he was in the squad car, Gardner was also arrested. Both were released on a $250 bond. Gardner and Coach Willingham declined to comment. Both were scheduled to appear in court on May 5th.

Hall Notes:

BAAY-BAAAAAYYY!!!! Who can forget Bobby Booker '98? Who would even want to? Jimmy Hart of the WWF was "The Mouth of the South." Mr. Booker is his northern counterpart. What he lacked in height he made up for in voice. My first two memories of Bobby are engrained in my mind. Remember those gold-green reflective sunglasses he wore? He was a freshman and only into school by a day or two. He came flying past me on a bike. How do you respond when you don't know the guy and he flies by in those shades bellowing something at you as if you were long lost pals? (I guess he knew something I didn't at the time. We are blood brothers now.)

The other incident was at an intramural football game. The Vermin were playing some chumps and the other team brought some band members from their dorm to play at halftime. Those busters faced their sideline and played. Booker, an unknown frosh, walked from the Carroll side, stopped in front of the mini-band and..... began conducting them. Classic. The Vermin were rolling. It was a sweet, sweet BUSSSSS on those chumps. How could this Vermin NOT be a stellar heckler at Bookstore games?

Bobby Booker goes down in my book at the single best individual heckler in Bookstore history. He was unflappable, vociferous and knew no embarrasment. My two favorite heckles both referenced pop culture. He was the first I heard use a Seinfeld-ian catchphrase in a perfect manner. A Vermin squad was playing. Big Todd Kuczaj '98 rejected an opponent's shot and from the sideline came: "NO SOUP FOR YOU!... COME BACK, ONE YEAR!" Killer. Absolutely killer.

The other instance was more about getting in a player's head. A Vermin team was playing some donkeys that had a player sporting a bandanna. This guy thought he was so cool that he could pull off wearing a completely lame Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bandanna. Booker ate him for lunch. He tore into him calling him every turtle name and anything else he could think of from the show. It was not ten minutes into the game and the guy had discarded the bandanna because he couldn't take the abuse. Booker had gotten so into this guy's head that I have no doubt he had complete knowledge of the guy's major. Booker, therefore, was actually a double major. With a minor in congeniality.

NDSportscenter:

Former athletic director Michael Wadsworth passed away at the age of 60 after succumbing to bone cancer. Wadsworth was a '66 Domer and played on the football team for a year as a defensive tackle.

Andrew French, 24, of Fort Meyers, Florida was indicted for threatening coach Tyrone Willingham. Apparently the threat was done by telephone. French was brought before a South Bend judge and charged with a "single count of transmitting in interstate commerce a threat to injure the person late last year." A federal grand jury had indicted French who then surrendered. He posted a $1,000 bond. French has also agreed to stay away from campus and not call anymore. He was allowed to return to Florida. The nature of the threat was not revealed. The threats do not appear to be racially motivated. In the past the man has made similar threats do Detroit Lions quarterback Joey Harrington and former UCLA basketball coach Steve Lavin. He pled innocent to both. If convicted of threatening Willingham, French faces up to five years in prison and a $250,000 fine. French is currently a student at Florida Gulf Coast University.

Some undrafted Domers got some good news. Defensive tackle Cedric Hilliard was fortunate enough to be signed as a free agent with the Dallas Cowboys. Initially the news was not good for defensive tackle Darrell Campbell. During a pre-draft workout for the Baltimore Ravens Campbell hurt his knee. The injury required surgery and will take three to four months to rehab. The Denver Broncos backed out of interest after the injury. But the Bears brought in the Chicago native. Campbell was signed as a free agent and will spend the season on the non-football injury list. He will probably participate in NFL Europe next year. Receiver Omar Jenkins was signed by the Vikings. And get this... underclassman tight end Billy Palmer was drafted by the British Columbia Lions of the CFL in the 6th round. Palmer declined, of course, and will spend another year with the Irish.

May 9, 2004

Campus News:

Monk is retiring after the next school year. Last weekend it was announced that Father Malloy would step down as University president on June 30, 2005. Rev. John I. Jenkins, 50, was elected by the Board of Trustees to be the next president of Notre Dame. Jenkins received his bachelor's and master's degrees in philosophy from the University in '76 and '78, respectively. He earned his master of divinity degree from the Jesuit School of Theology at Berkeley in 1988. Jenkins also studied and earned degrees from Oxford in '87 and '89. Rev. John was ordained a Holy Cross priest in 1983. He served as the religious superior of the Holy Cross priests and brothers at ND from 1997 to 2000. Jenkins was the program director for ND undergraduate candidates for the Congregation of Holy Cross from 1991 to 1993. From 1990 to the present Rev. John has been an associate professor of philosophy. His most current experience has been as vice president and associate provost. He has manned those positions from 2000 to the present. Jenkins currently lives in Corby Hall, the Holy Cross priests' residence on campus.

Monk is stepping down after 18 years of service. Malloy has stated, "I'm not retiring. I'm just shifting focus." He forsees taking a sabbatical and then resuming teaching, writing, being a productive priest and serving the University and community. Initially it was reported that Malloy would allow the Board of Trustees to determine his future. If they wanted him back he would return. But this presidential retirement was completely Monk's decision.

During Monk's presidency, the faculty has increased by more than 500. The average SAT score has climbed from 1240 to 1360 for incoming freshmen. Minority enrollment has more than doubled. The endowment has risen from $350 million to over $3 billion. The operating budget is up to $650 million from $177 million. Annual research budgeting has gone from $15 million to $70 million.

Campus Watch by the Gipper from Scholastic:

This story might make you think twice about locking your door at night, even if you have a security monitor vigilantly patrolling 24-hour lounges and telling boys to keep both feet on the floor. After a late night out, our subject, "Leslie," climbed into bed only to wake up four hours later with another body - another FEMALE body - cuddling up beside her. Leslie, very defensive about the entire incident, claimed: "She was fully clothed... No, this was not a one-night stand, and no, there was no messing around, so don't even think about it." Well, the Gipp hadn't thought about it until now, but now he's a little curious as to why Leslie would deny such things so adamantly. Anyway, let's get on with the story. After Leslie discovered her girl-friend in the bed beside her, she harmlessly fell back asleep and woke up two hours later to her bedmate asking for her shoes. Leslie was now horrified to find out that the girl next to her was not her roommate nor anyone else she knew, for that matter, but rather a total stranger. It turned out that the young woman apparently does not even attend Notre Dame, but is a student at Valparaiso. And to top it off, the mystery guest had no clue where she was, nor did she know anyone in Leslie's hall. How she got into the dorm, let alone into Leslie's bed, has yet to be answered.

Hall Notes:

The Art of Heckling

Has there ever been a better heckling group than the Vermin come Bookstore time? I've observed eleven Bookstore tournaments and no group can match the Vermin of the mid 90's. In fact hecklers are almost non-existant at today's Bookstore games. The Domers have been effectively neutered and utter not a controversial word. I shall cite three instances of classic Vermin heckling during Bookstores past. The first two are individuals and the third is a group tale.

Spring 1994. I was an innocent freshman taking in my first Bookstore tournament. The Vermin had a team to be proud of as three Carroll freshmen and one Carroll sophomore were on one squad that made it to the Elite Eight. However, they were facing an experienced squad, Majestic Silverbacks, featuring former varsity basketball player Brooks Boyer. But the Vermin team of DOS KLOSKAS had a heckler on their side. Pat McMonagle '94 was a one man megaphone. The game was held at the old Bookstore courts and Pat was directly under the basket on the north end. He was standing along with a drink in hand. He was loud and obnoxious and AWESOME! Pat was not only getting into the Silverbacks' heads but he was also pissing off even non-Carroll spectator. Sadly this tale doesn't end spectacularly. KLOSKAS lost and Pat was silenced mid-game. The play was intense. During one skirmish the ball went zipping out of bounds directly under the basket. Pat was hit right in the face, as I recall. He silently seethed. The non-Carroll crowd erupted in jeers, laughs and applause. But, hey, if McMonagle wasn't a fantastic heckler he never would have elicited such a response.

Heckling instance #2 next week.

NDSportscenter:

The 75th Blue-Gold Game was held two weeks ago. Blue defeated Gold 35-7 as the #1 teams mostly went against the #2 teams. Brady Quinn was the offensive MVP after going 17 of 22 for 263 yards and a touchdown. Quinn led the offense to scores on five or six possessions. Running back Ryan Grant rushed for two touchdowns. Fullback Rashon Powers-Neal also scored twice (one rushing, one receiving). Jeff Samardzija led all receivers with 3 catches for 59 yards including a 24-yard touchdown. Free safety Tom Zbikowski was named the defensive MVP for his play which was highlighted by a 31 yard interception return.

Only 18,469 fans attended the game. (Ouch.) Thirteen players were sidelined with injuries. (Double ouch.) Amongst the injured were three of our top four defensive linemen. Defensive end Justin Tuck, who last year was 6th in the nation with 13.5 sacks, was out with a torn ACL. And Tyrone invited 63 recruits to the game.

So Brady Quinn was the Blue-Gold MVP and the next day his team won Bookstore as he ws again the best player on the winning team. The kid is just a natural winner.

Five Domers were selected in the NFL draft:

Julius Jones - 2nd round (#43 overall); Dallas Cowboys; 5th running back selected in the draft
Courtney Watson - 2nd round (#60 overall); New Orleans Saints; 8th linebacker selected
Glenn Earl - 4th round (#122 overall); Houston Texans
Vontez Duff - 6th round (#170 overall); Houston Texans
Jim Molinaro - 7th round (#180 overall); Washington Redskins

May 2, 2004

Campus News:

The school year wouldn't be complete without a bar raid just before finals. In mid-April the Indiana State Excise Police ticketed 21 underage patrons and issued 31 citations in a raid of The Library Irish Pub. Three unruly patrons were arrested. The bust took place at 12:50 a.m. after an alert from an undercover policeman inside. Many bars had been targeted for a raid that night but only The Library was hit. Police issued "minor in a tavern" citations and some were also ticketed for false identification. The three arrested individuals were charged with disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and public intoxication. One of the three arrested tried to elude officer's by hiding under the bar's refrigerator. Another of the arrested was actually of legal age but supposedly verbally threatened officers and tried to force his way out. A Taser was used to subdue two of the arrested people. All of the patrons busted were Notre Dame or St. Mary's students. A sophomore lacrosse player was caught and charged with public intoxication, false informing and minor in consumption.

The raid came nearly a year after a huge bust on the same bar. As a response to that incident the bar owner installed over $4,000 worth of camera equipment to prevent underage patrons from entering. The owner claimed officers pushed several people inside the bar. The owner also contested the fact that his pub seems to be annually raided while Heartland and the State Theatre are not.

Speaking of busts, the Boat Club raid of a year ago still isn't a dead issue. It has been held up again after the bar owner sued all the students caught in the raid. The owner has put a settlement deal on the table and some students are mulling it over.

Campus Watch by the Gipper from Scholastic:

Our next tale takes place in a certain male dormitory. Rumor has it that "swinging before the ring" does, in fact, sometimes take place on this very campus. So, if you're apprehensive about that type of thing, this story may not be for you. The scene: a typical Friday night shindig, complete with beer pong and a few choice girls from across the street. A good recipe for the Gipper so far. Anyway, our party's host decided after a while to retreat into the other room with one of the ladies. Little did he know that the lock on the door of this room had been taped by his cronies so they could sneak in during the act and snap a few photos for the next day's entertainment. They entered a few minutes after the host, expecting to find him nearing first base. However, much to their surprise, he was already on his way home. Alas, things only went downhill from here for our protagonist. Only a few minutes later, he was no longer able to hold down his liquor, passed out and left the girl to be walked home by her friends. In the morning, he awoke to find a photo of himself and his lady friend as his new desktop background.

Hall Notes:

It's Bookstore time of year. Time to recount the Bookstore legacy of a Vermin alum. There are no official Bookstore records for those sly enough to break the rules and not get caught. This Vermin shall only go down in unknown infamy. Now his story comes to the net.

Tom "Tim" Mullarkey '97 competed on ten Bookstore teams illegally. Tim had this to say for himself:

"Ahhh Bookstore basketball. It's hard to believe that I competed on 14 different Bookstore basketball teams while at Notre Dame, and considering that I didn't go on to grad school or law school at Notre Dame, and that I graduated in 4 years, it's easy to figure out that I violated the rule that 'thou shalt only play on 1 team/year.' But since my overall record was roughly 3 wins and 14 losses, the commissioners never took notice."

Tim's freshman year he played on two teams. Sophomore year it climbed to three teams. Four squads had a Mullarkey during the junior year. It topped out at five teams for the grand finale year. Tim closed with a stellar 0.176 winning percentage.

Now don't think Tim was only playing surreptitiously. He didn't exactly fly under the radar his senior year. His duplicity was very much in jeopardy when his team played the #3 ranked team (and eventual tournament runner-up), SWOOSH, in the first round. But there is a story behind that game. It all began at SDH at the Vermin tables during an evening dinner. Brian "Crew" Welch '97 was talking up how he was a Bookstore commissioner. Of course the other Vermin were skeptical and taunting of this new found clout. Sensing an opportunity I (Dan "Del" Delgado '97) upped the ante. I challenged Crew to put his juice to use. I dared him to throw his weight around and put Tim's team versus SWOOSH. (I knew a player on SWOOSH. It was a hell of a set-up.) Lo and behold the Frank Fumai All Stars opened against SWOOSH. The on-lookers were many for an opening round game. In fact the entire court was ringed with watchful eyes. The Fumai All Stars put up a valiant effort. They actually scored ten points. A team member of SWOOSH even commented that the All Stars could have gone 64 had they not had such an unlucky draw. Yeah, unlucky. Unlucky like a fox.

I had to recall this story for Tim. His memory has faded with the years. I'll let Tim close:

"If anybody in the dorm needed a body to play, I'd never say no. I guess my memory is a bit bad... I even forgot to mention the time I played in the Championship game with DOS KLOSKAS."

NDSportscenter:

Last week's Bookstore tournament was the lamest of the last eleven years. By far. The best thing about it was that all the courts had new spring loaded rims that actually had a little give. The second best thing was a little kid shooting hoops near some Bookstore games. The crowd around him was larger and louder than around the nearby games.

Let's begin with the weak points. The #14 team lost in the FIRST round. Apparently they thought a team captained by "Courtney" would entail a five female pushover. Wrong. "Courtney" is a guy and the five males prevailed. The #4 team lost in the round of 64. The all-around level of play and team chemistry was weak amongst all but a couple of teams. The Sweet Sixteen was predictable. All the favored team advanced. The Elite Eight was terrible thanks to the commissioners. Back in the day the games were run on side-by-side courts, two games at a time. Everyone was able to watch all four games. This year all four games were run on various courts all at the same time. Lame. The best thing about the Elite Eight was Jeff Samardzija.

Samardzija is a freshman (soon to be sophomore) receiver. He was picked up by the #1 Bookstore team, KPMG, after a player was out with an ankle problem. Samardzija also pitches for the ND baseball team. Notre Dame football. #1 Bookstore. #4 baseball. Talk about a trifecta. And he was on the same Bookstore team as Carlyle Holiday. Possibly the two most athletic people on campus were together on the court.

Three upsets took place in the Elite Eight. Only #1 KPMG made the Final Four. One team made the Final Four after beating a team that was down to four players because of a mid-game injury. The Final Four consisted of #1, #5, #6 and #7. The sad thing is that three of the four teams played zone. The games were long and boring. The only highlight came from KPMG. Tight end Jerome Collins caught a rebound with one hand in mid-air and in one motion threw down a vicious dunk. The crowd blew up.

The Championship featured #1 versus #7. The #1 team had Carlyle, Collins (who was in for Samadzija because he had a baseball game), and place kicker D.J. Fitzpatrick. The #7 team had frosh QB Brady Quinn, defensive back Chinedum Ndukwe, and offensive lineman Dan Stevenson. It was like the Blue-Gold game but for Bookstore. They were all the same team! Unfortunately both teams played zone and the wind was unyielding. The heckling was minimal. It was as bland as bland could be. #1 KPMG went up by 5 in the second half. It looked like it was over. But the Brady Bunch staged an unlikely comeback and won 22-20. The MVP vote was rigged for a guy on the LOSING team. Quinn was the real MVP. Overall the talent was so poor I'm just waiting for Paul Hornung to make a comment.

Apr. 25, 2004

Campus News, Campus Watch, Hall Notes and NDSportscenter:

This year I'm just lumping all these sections together for the Bookstore team name list write-up. Enjoy...

The Censored List (2004)

What's up? Been awhile since we last talked. A year to be exact. That's enough chit-chat. Let's get into it. Sit back and relax because this is long. (That's what she said.) This piece is also a little late. The current Bookstore commissioners were lax in their duties. It reminds me of why I wasn't a commissioner when I was in school. I never enjoyed things like "bureaucracy" or "meeting" or "other people."

This is the second annual "Censored List." It's an underground Domer event. Some call it "alternative." I prefer "grunge." Not surprisingly this quasi-missive is decked out in flannel and hums anything by Nirvana.

When last you were left, the Bookstore Gestapo had censored roughly 20% of the Bookstore team names. That was 2003. Things have been decidedly different in 2004. Only about 3% were blacklisted this year. What the?!?! Just as 20% intrigued me last year, so does only 3% this year. There are uncensored words, phrases and exact team names that were actually censored last year but not this year. What the?!?! That makes as much sense as Ralph Nader's assertion that he will steal moderate Republican voters away from Bush.

Reduced censoring by 17%? Doesn't quite sound like 2004. A boob is shown at halftime of the Super Bowl (totally AWESOME, by the way!!!!), the FCC cracks down and Notre Dame is leading the charge for free speech? Can I assume Howard Stern will soon be broadcasting from the top of Touchdown Jesus?

I'm all for censorship, especially in Bookstore. If the team name is dumb... censor it. If it's unoriginal... censor it. If it's just plain weak... censor it. But if it's creatively rad... cherish it. If it's outlandishly crude.... embrace it. And if it's downright hilariously offensive... capitalize it, highlight it and scream it out loud. OK, maybe that was a bit over the top. I feel like a Shiite cleric who has just issued a fatwa on lame-ass Bookstore names.

So quite a few names that were axed last year got through this year. Maybe more Domers chose to abide by the rules. Did you know there were rules? I just noticed them this year. There are four guidelines. The most interesting was #4: "Anything your mother would deem disrespectful." But what if my mom curses like a drunken sailor and tells jokes that would make Andrew "Dice" Clay blush? Did I just date myself with a Diceman reference? For those who don't know or don't remember, the Diceman was king in the early '90s with a stage personna that was politically incorrect, foul-mouthed, womanizing, boorish, uncouth and all around asshole-ish. In other words... my hero.

I do have censored team names, but much less than last year. This year's list will be inclusive. Observer "Viewpoint" readers say it with me....DIVERSITY. I'm just promoting diversity in tune with the University. I will take the affirmative acton of combining the uncensored and censored in jovial harmony.

A big reason there are much fewer censored teams is because teams weren't cut that simply mentioned race or sexual orientation. Last year the mere mention of something led to "Team ###." The #2 team name rule prohibited "offensive substance regarding race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation." Repeat after me: "mentioning does not equal offensive." These names were thankfully uncensored this year...

The Ambiguously Gay Trio and 2 High School Gym Teachers
White Chocolate and the Charlie Factory
We Are Whiter Than You Could Ever Imagine
Technical Virgins
A White Guy, A White Guy, and 3 Other White Guys

Some challenging names that didn't get censored...

[Expletive Deleted]
We Dare You To Censor This Name...B**** (OK, it was partially censored)
I Don't Know What's Worse....That Our Name Was Censored or That the Bookstore Committee Knew What We Were Talking About

Here are some uncensored insults (and most are self-inflicted)...

Tom Timmermans' Jock Sniffs
We Beat Anorexia
Bring On The Blonde Jokes
5 Reasons Your Girl's Still With You
Marlon, Jackie, Tito, Jermaine, and Some Guy Who's Always Drawing Charges
Five Guys Who Wish B-ball Involved Couches
We Hope You Score More Points On Us Than You Did on the ACT

The #3 criteria disallowed the "use of the names of those in the university community without consent." But university topics are fair game. The hot campus topic this year was the embracing of Notre Dame's homosexual community through the campus-wide wearing of shirts that declared: "Gay? Fine by Me." That gave Domers something to spin off. The uncensored teams were.....

Fine by SHE
Straight...Fine By Me
Straight? Fine By Us
Drunk? Fine By Us
Gay? Fine By Me....Hosted by Jim Harrick Jr.
Fishing With Jon? Fine By Me
Fat? Fine By Me
Suck? Fine By Me
Marvin Gaye? Fine By Me (sweet name!)

How could these names not be censored? They all scream "SHIT!"....

I Am Going To Do Something Crazy To Make You Poop Yourself
We Crap Our Pants Every Morning
Everybody Poops
Poo-Poo Come From Butt (I laugh every damn time I read that one)

Here is the uncensored "innuendo" list....

The Come From Behind Kids
Dolly Parton, Boat Club, and Three Other Big Busts
Whole Lot of Bouncing Going On (sweet chick team name!)
5 Hot Girls Who Will Probably Lose in the First Round But Are Hoping to Get Lucky (PSYCHE! Dude team captain!)
Wet Hoop Dreams
Testicular Fortitude
We Hit It From Deep, and We're Good in the Box
We Only Need 15 Seconds to Shoot
Who Was Mike Seaver's Best Friend on Growing Pains? (Why "Boner," of course!)
A Little Wrist Action
Feline Taxidermists (think about it)
Less Defense Than a Prom Dress
We Score Less Often Than Old People in a Nursing Home
We Play With PE-ness (SWEEEEET chick team, LOVE IT!)
Proud of Our PE-Ness (DITTO!)
(Those last two have to be co-winners for Team Name of the Year)

The #1 team name rule that means censoring is... "Instance of sexually explicit content." But what if it's "implicit"? That's allowed, right? As far as I'm concerned the following censored names are implicit just like the uncensored names in the "innuendo" list above. Explicit means "fully revealed or expressed without vagueness." The F-word is explicit. Just remember, explicit is illicit but implicit is exquisite. So endith the lesson. Here are the censored names...

Thrustingmotion.com Presents
The Fighting Snatchi
Team Hardcore Sects
Heavy Petting Zoo
Sofa King-Suites (sound it out)
Money Shot All Stars
The Moneyshots and the Dribblers

The following names were censored, but why?...

The Finishing 5
Your Mom (banned? But a team by the name made the Bookstore Final Four a few years ago!)

Mad props to the following teams that stuck to their guns. They were censored last year but stayed the course. They refused to offer up weaker acceptable alternative names and will now live on in censored infamy....

Four Jerks and a Squirt
Little Dan and His Mother's Four Lovers
Four Fingers and a Thumb, The Best Game on Campus

My personal favorite censored team has been saved for last. Now their original name is not the most original. (In fact, another also had it this year.) But their follow-up name was classic and their irreverence is second to none. Their first name was "Off in the Shower." They were asked to change it. It was modified to "Off in the Bookstore Commissioner's Face." Funny! The commissioners apparently didn't like the joke and re-assigned the team to play the #10 ranked team that had 3 football players. It was one and done. The commissioners thought they got the last laugh. Not so fast. This team deserves recognition even in defeat. I shall grant them the Observer headline they never received: "#10 Ranked Team Beats Off in the Bookstore Commissioner's Face." Who's gotten the last laugh now?

There you have it. "The Censored List": 2004. I was slightly disappointed, though. I was really hoping someone would try to go with the team name of "Janet Jackson's Breast." Would it be censored? Or would it be revealed, then condemned and later be described as a "team name malfunction"?

For the record, Scholastic did do a story on this underground list. Does that make me a sellout? No. I didn't take a dime. But if they had offered I would have snapped up the cash quicker than a politician running for re-election. Hell, I'd have settled for a handful of Doritos. Cool ranch, preferably.

"The Censored List" offend anyone? I'm an equal opportunity offender. Am I insensitive? Only if you have feelings. Am I a smartass? Two words: staunchly. I've said it before and I'll say it again: If I'm not offending anyone I'm just not trying hard enough. If you can't take the joke, get out of the kitchen.

Apr. 18, 2004

Campus News:

It's no surprise that ND's tuition is going up. The University recently announced that the cost to attend will rise 6.9 percent for the 2004-05 academic year. The decision was reached at the winter Board of Trustees meeting. Tuitioni and fees will increase by $1,900 to $29,512. The average room and board costs will increase by $488 to $7,418. (drumroll...)...And the grand total is....$36,930. Dammmmmmmmmmmn. Monk sent letters to parents and guardians last month telling them of the bad news. Apparently Monk wrote that the administration and Board of Trustees acted with "fiscal prudence" in the midst of a strained economic climate nationwide. Last year the rise was 6.5 percent. For the 2001-02 academic year, the increase was only 4.9 percent. (Has the Board ever heard of "the rate of inflation"?)

This past year had more new charges that will carry over to all the years to follow. Room phone fees went up 4.5 percent for this year. Also, the Board approved adding a $50 per semester Health Center Access Fee. Oh, and the other schools fees are going up as well. Grad school will be up 7 percent to $28, 970 and Law School and Masters in Business Administration will rise to $29,740.

Despite the increases, the University remains dedicated to providing financial aid to all the students in need. In 2003-04 the financial aid resources distributed topped $53.8 million. The Board firmly opposed any steps that would reduce the priority of financial aid.

Campus Watch by the Gipper from Scholastic:

Not too long ago, our subject, a freshman who we will call "Fred," decided to throw a party with this roommate, who we will refer to as "Squirts." Apparently, despite being underage, the two youngsters managed to imbibe quite a bit of liquor, thereby becoming reasonably inebriated. After the disorderliness in the room had subsided, Fred was "too far gone," as our tipster politely put it, to clean his room and instead thought to indulge in a snooze on his air mattress. Later in the evening, Fred awoke to find his buddy Squirts on top of him. Apparently, Squirts was at least slightly more drunk than Fred. After throwing Squirts off of him, Fred left to call in his RA. When the two of them returned to the room, a rather substanial yellow puddle had mysteriously formed on Fred's mattress. Only then did Fred notice his own back had also become part of Squirts' marked territory.

Hall Notes:

Since Scholastic is being helmed by Vermin, it's not a surprise that Carroll gets mentioned more than the norm. Carroll was even at the center of an article in the annual "Sarcastic," the joke in-set of Scholastic. Here's the piece...

Mobile Home

Carroll Hall uses matching funds to relocate

For years Carroll Hall has been called the only off campus dorm. No more - after approval from the Office of Residence Life and Housing, Carroll Hall completed its move to South Quad earlier this week. Its new home, perpendicular to Hayes-Healy, is 3 minutes away from DeBartolo, less than one-fifth the previous time.

Carroll used $2,000 in matching funds - monies offered annually by ORHL for capital improvements - to pay for the move. Over the weekend, residents rented U-Hauls, disassembled the dorm, and reassembled it brick by brick on South Quad.

Hall president George Giovanni says, "Two years ago we bought new couches [with matching funds], last year it was a giant Twister board. My administration wanted to do somthing that would benefit every resident, every day."

Although the relocation is not without its problems, residents are staying positive. One resident says, "Yeah, some of the rewiring was tricky and our Internet connection is on-and-off now, but that's nothing new."

Some are already considering the impact Carroll's move will have on other dorms.

Physics professor Bruce Farenheimer explains, "Alumni Hall has long claimed to be 'the center of the universe.' The nature of the universe is that it really doesn't have any center. However, if one considers the matter from an anthropomorphic standpoint, taking 'center' to mean 'convenient access to campus,' Carroll is the new center of the universe."

The new location is also rekindling some old flames. Junior Laura Weaver recalls, "I had a crush on this guy freshmen year, but when I found out he was from Carroll I knew the long-distance relationship wouldn't work. But now he's hot AND close-by."

Giovanni is unsure what the future holds for dorm improvements. "I guess we could flood South Quad so we'd have lakefront property again. I don't know."

Carroll is offering 150 bikes for sale this coming Monday.

NDSportscenter:

The men's and women's fencing teams started the year ranked #1 after winning the National Championship last year. Some good news came early in the season when Maggie Jordan became just the second Domer to win 80+ bouts in multiple weapons (foil and sabre). Both the men and women stumbled at the Midwest Fencing Conference Championships. The event was held at the JACC and the men and women both lost to Ohio State. However, not all of our best fencers were available to compete that weekend. That seemed to set the tone for the NCAA Championships. The women qualified the maximum six fencers while the men only qualified five. The men stumbled while the women stepped up. The women became the first team ever to send fencers to finals in all three women's weapons in the same NCAA Championship. Freshman Valerie Providenza won the sabre and became the fourth Domer frosh to win at the NCAAs. Junior Alicja Kryczalo won the foil for the third year in a row. She is the first Domer 3-time NCAA Champion ever. Her career match record is 284-20 (0.934). As a whole, the team came in third and will look to bounce back next year.

The latest standings of the Directors' Cup recently came out and we were ranked 13th. We haven't dropped but we really haven't progressed. We always seem to hover between 11th and 13th and never crack the top 10.

Chris Thomas is definitely coming back for his senior year. He had knee surgery a week ago to deal with grinding bones that he endured all season long.

Apr. 11, 2004

Campus News:

Spring is in and so is another lawsuit. This one has been filed by the woman who claims she was raped by four former players two years ago at an off-campus house. She has filed a civil suit against not only the players but also the University. To protect her privacy, court documents list her as "Jane Doe" and her parents as "Mr. and Mrs. Doe." The woman and her parents have filed the suit without a lawyer. The suit alleges the woman suffered physical pain and post-traumatic stress. Because of the incident, she contends she had to legally change her name, she incurred medical bills and lost income. The woman and her parents are seeking damages for alleged emotional distress and income loss. The burden of proof in a civil case is less than in a criminal case. Damages may be awarded if it has been proven there is a "preponderance of evidence."

None of the four former players were convicted of committing rape. Only Abram Elam was convicted of sexual battery. Donald Dykes was acquitted of all charges. Because of the lack of convictions, the charges against Justin Smith and Lorenzo Crawford were dropped.

The University was also named in the civil suit. The suit alleges the University had a duty to protect the woman from the alleged criminal acts of the players. Citing University policy, the school's spokesman declined to comment. Local attorneys feel the case against the University is weak. From a legal standpoint, it could be difficult to prove that the University should have been aware of some risk of harmful behavior, especially for an incident that occurred off campus. University liability will be tough to prove since the former students had left the campus.

A similar lawsuit is pending against the University by a former St. Mary's student, who says she was raped by Clifford Jefferson. Last year she was awarded $1 million in her civil suit against Jefferson.

Campus Watch by the Gipper from Scholastic:

Here's the situation: it's after parietals and two gentlemen wish to continue the evening's festivities with two ladies outside in the snow. But a good snowball fight is sure to make one chilly. Best to bring out a bottle of the good stuff to warm up. Technically, this liquor is prohibited by the new 14 percent rule in duLac. So we'll use a code name, say "Baileys," to refer to it.

And thus a good old-fashioned drunken snowball fight on North Quad began. Swigs were awarded for hits (two swigs for blows to the face). After an hour, our fearless, fuddled foursome decided to call it a night, with feet already numb with frostbite. "But what to do with the Baileys?" the two gentlemen thought. After all, a good amount was still left in the bottle.

Sure, downing the rest was a possibility, but then they wondered why they should not just bury their treasure in the North Quad snow for another night. It would be concealed and kept cool at the same time, so why not? Just find a good landmark, a thick patch of snow, and screw the cap on tight.

Our two snow warriors went back a few evenings later to discover their bottle of Baileys still well-concealed under the same tree where they had placed it so cautiously. Unfortunately, it seems as thought they had been too late. The last several swigs of the Irish cream had been swindled. With the cap tightly screwed back on, one thing is certain: the contents had not spilled out into the snow, but rather had been consumed by a wise third party. This may explain why the Gipp, on his way to the dining hall last week, saw two squirrels stumbling and laughing uncontrollably.

But if anyone has any information as to the whereabouts of our friends' misplaced liquor, do not hesitate to inform the Gipp.

Hall Notes:

A recent issue of Scholastic talked about relations between Notre Dame students and the City of South Bend. The piece gave a brief history of the interactions between the two. And Carroll even got a shoutout:

"Since its inception in 1842, the university has had a sometimes- checkered relationship with its neighboring town. When the university was founded on land belonging to Father Badin, the campus was well outside the town limits of South Bend, and today, Notre Dame, Indiana remains separate from South Bend.

The town always offered diversions for students, however, especially in the way of taverns. In the university's early days, the priests did everything in their power to prevent student forays into South Bend. Until the turn of the century, students wanting to leave campus had to be accompanied by a perfect of discipline, and the university printed advertisements in the South Bend newspaper asking citizens to report any misdemeanors committed in town by Notre Dame students. Even through the 1920s, the university forbade students to drive automobiles, and priests patrolled forbidden sections of downtown South Bend.

These efforts did not prevent students from getting into scuffles with South Bend residents, however. In 1916, a gang of students set fire to a streetcar after representatives of the streetcar company assaulted two Carroll Hall residents."

Rule #1: Don't mess with Vermin.

NDSportscenter:

Two members of the women's swimming and diving team went to the NCAA Championships. Freshman Katie Carroll competed in the 100 meter freestyle, the 200 meter Individual Medley and the 400 meter Individual Medley. Katie came in ninth in the 200 IM and set a school record in the process. It was the best ever finish by a Domer frosh. She was named an honorable mention All American. The same honor was given after a respectable showing in the 400 IM. Katie is the first Domer frosh to even earn two honorable mention All Americans. Senior diver Meghan Perry-Eaton made some huge noice at the NCAAs. She competed in the 1 meter dive and came in third. That is easily the highest even finish for a Domer diver.

The women's lacrosse team is on fire! The ladies have started the year 8-0. The women were ranked #12 when they took on #2 Duke. The Blue Devils were sent packing. The Irish have also knocked off #6 James Madison, #14 Stanford, and #19 Cornell. The team has climbed to #3 in the nation, the highest ranking in the history of the program.

Some football notes: Steven Wilks, a former Bowling Green assistant, is our new secondary coach. Tyrone has worked with him in the past when Wilks worked as a coach at an ND summer camp....freshman wide receiver Jeff Samardzija has pulled double duty on the baseball team. Jeff is a right-handed pitcher who comes out of the bullpen. He actually got credit for a win before spring football practice began....Freshman Ryan Harris, who started games last year at right tackle, has been moved to the more challenging left tackle. Left guard Mark LeVoir has been moved to right tackle. Freshman John Sullivan will be given a shot at winning the left guard spot....Indianapolis prospect Ryan Baker has finally decided to go to Purdue. He had verbally committed to us but didn't ink on signing day. Two months later he signed with the Boilermakers.

Apr. 4, 2003

Campus News:

Alan Page will be the keynote speaker and the recipient of an honorary degree at the commencement ceremony on May 16. Page is a '67 Domer and is currently a justice on the Minnesota Supreme Court. Page's honorary degree will actually be his second, which is a rarity. He received a doctor of laws degree in 1993.

In 1993 Page became the first black Minnesota Supreme Court justice. Prior to being a justice, Page served as an assistant attorney general for Minnesota and, before that, was a lawyer with the firm of Lindquist & Vennum. While playing in the NFL, Alan attended the University of Minnesota Law School. He earned his law degree in 1978.

In 1988 Alan and his wife established the Page Education Foundation to provide educational grants to minority students to attend Minnesota colleges or Notre Dame. Five current Domers are recipients of such grants. A condition of the grants is that Page Scholars must serve as mentors for younger children. To date, over 4,000 grants have been awarded to 1,885 students totaling more than $2.5 million.

Page has received six other honorary degrees, the 2004 Theodore Roosevelt Award from the NCAA, and the NCAA's Silver Anniversary Award in 1992. He was inducted into the International Scholar-Athlete Hall of Fame in 2002. Alan received the Rev. Edward F. Sorin Award in 1992 from the Notre Dame Alumni Association for distinguished service to the University. He was a member of the Notre Dame Law School Advisory Council from 1993 to 1999.

Campus Watch by the Gipper from Scholastic:

What would college be without a couch fire? One evening at Turtle Creek, a few gentlemen came to this very conclusion. With the hosts of a party wanting to dispose of their couch anyway (it was really ugly, after all), the gentlemen's dreams were about to come true.

After heaving the sofa out the door, many a passersby began kicking the old thing in the alley. This continued for many minutes, until our hero came into the picture. Enter, "Tom," an aspiring pyrotechnic who had always wanted his own fireworks show. After a good deal of drunken thought, our hero decided it was in everyone's best interest to douse the couch with a bottle of lighter fluid. What else was there to do, after all?

Suffice it to say that the next logical step was to light the couch ablaze, which Tom and his cronies were delighted to do. As the flames got larger, the crowd, laughing initially, began to disperse rather hastily. By the time the fire truck arrived on the scene, our hero had fled, thinking he had just burned down Turtle Creek.

Well, Tom, no such luck.

Hall Notes:

Vermin Rick Cornet finally started to get some minutes at the end of the year. And he started producing solid numbers to warrant increased playing time. For the year, Rick only averaged 11 minutes a ball game. He was pulling down 3.4 rebounds per game and scoring 4.5 points a contest. During the last four games Rick's minutes doubled to 22 a game. His rebounds climbed to 5.5 and his points went up to nearly 12 a game. Come on, Coach Brey! Give the Vermin some minutes and he will produce!

NDSportscenter:

The men's basketball team made the not-so-elite eight of the NIT. The squad roughed up Purdue at the JACC. ND transfer Ivan Kartelo started for the Boilermakers. It was our first game against Purdue since 1966. The men then played St. Louis in Fort Wayne because the women were occupying the JACC for the first two rounds of the women's NCAA tournament. Thomas scored a career high 39 in the victory versus the Billikens. Oregon then came to the JACC on one day less of rest. We had a chance but blew it late with a lazy turnover and giving up an offensive rebound on an opponent's missed free throw. We finished 19-13, our first non-20 win season in four years. The good news is that Chris Thomas' departure will not even be a question. Apparently he has already put that issue to rest and said he will return for his senior season. But he will be having off-season surgery on his left knee.

The women's basketball team limped into the NCAA tournament after losing to Rutgers in the Big East tournament quarterfinals. But the ladies were able to secure a #5 seed in the East Regional. The women defeated #12 seed Southwest Missouri State at the JACC in the first round. Then the Irish knocked off #13 see Middle Tennessee State. The team advanced to the Sweet Sixteen to face #1 seed Penn State. Unfortunately, the ladies feel in a close game. In fact they went out the same way the men did: lazy turnover and allowing an offensive rebound on an opponent's missed free throw. The women finished 21-11.

Women's star Jacqueline Batteast and Chris Thomas were both named AP honorable mention All American. Batteast also made the All Big East 1st Team. Point guard Megan Duffy was named the Big East's Most Improved Player. And remember Ruth Riley? She was one of fifteen selected to the Big East Silver Anniversary Team.

The hockey team lost to two-time defending champion Minnesota 5-2 in the first round of the NCAA tourney. The Irish were actually up 2-0 in the first period with the first goal coming in less than a minute. The Gophers bounced back and outshot the Irish 49 to 22. ND goaltender Morgan Cey made 40 saves. The last goal was on an empty net. The team finished 20-15-4, the first 20 win season since 1982. It's not all bad news. Turns out the Gophers head coach is a Domer! In fact he was a teammate of current Irish coach Dave Poulin.

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