Campus News:
Last week we touched on a student senate resolution that involved increasing the free hours and decreasing the parietals hours. That failed. But would a second resolution on a different matter?
The second resolution favored returning the ROTC Presidential Pass In Review to its original location on South Quad. The resolution passed unanimously. The students asked that the ceremony no longer be sequested in Loftus, a move that was made several years ago. The resolution stated that bringing the ceremony back to South Quad would allow the student body to witness it, and having it under the U.S. flag provides a more "aesthetically pleasing environment than in Loftus." The student senators, some of whom were ROTC cadets themselves, believed that the ROTC students deserve a more public place to be honored. The ceremony involves speeches by Monk and Father Hesburgh. One cadet described the part of the ceremony when the cadets march by the University president as being "in the tradition of when kings reviewed their troops."
Well, that resolution failed. Again, not surprising. As I recall, there were protestors present outside Loftus preaching against any form of military on campus. I do believe it is because of protests by people like this in the past that the ceremony was moved to Loftus. Seems unfortunate that students at their own University are pushed to the back by some perpetual complainers.
Campus Watch by Me:
More on the Father Scully issue...
The last two weeks have touched on the so-called "comprehensive and exhaustive" work done by a special committee to investigate Scully's behavior. Another issue was brother to Chairman McCartan. St. Joseph businessman Robert J. Warren wrote a letter to McCartan on March 24 reporting Scully had confronted two of Warren's friends last year at a restaurant. Scully approached their table, introduced himself and expressed his opposition to a business project they were planning for a location adjacent to the nearby home of one of Scully's relatives. Warren's letter stated Scully used an aggressive tone and would not leave when requested by the people. Warren wrote, "I have great respect for the University of Notre Dame and this is the first time since I moved to the area in 1958 that I have ever heard anything negative about anyone from the University." Warren provided the names and addresses of his friends with the letter. Neither McCartan nor the special committee contacted these people.
Hall Notes:
Vermin alum Major Steven Noll '89 has been around the world and then some. Steve majored in Aerospace Engineering as an undergrad. He was in school with an Air Force ROTC scholarship because, as Steve says, "like who can afford to go to ND on their own?" Steve is currently in the Air Force. He is also almost done with his MBA (with a concentration in military management) from Tourou University, an on-line university that allows for deployment flexibility. Steve has two daughters and one stepdaughter. The flock consists of Kayla (age 9), Nicole (age 8), and Megan (4 months). The clan has taken root in the Seattle area. They are just south of Tacoma with a view of 14,400 foot Mt. Rainier. Now for the Air Force stuff....
Steve has been in the USAF since May of '89. He has flown the T-37 (trainer), T-38 (trainer), C-141B (cargo), T-1 (Instructor Pilot), and the C-17 (cargo). He has landed on six of the seven continents and is aiming for Antarctica this winter with a 585,000-pound airplane on a frozen bay with six feet of ice. Major Noll is the Deputy Chief of Operations Group Standardization and Evaluation at McChord AFB, WA. He is the second highest qualified pilot on the base and gives flying evaluations to the pilots on base as well as standarize policy on how the C-17A Globemaster is employed. And check out this track record: Desert Storm, Somalia, and Rwanda. Then it was on to Afghanistan for Operation Enduring Freedom. Steve carried three plane loads of Al-Qaeda and Taliban "detainees." And he just returned from a tour in Iraq where he landed at Baghdad International Airport. Hats off to Major Noll for serving his country. This is one Vermin we cannot thank enough.
NDSportscenter:
Chris Thomas withdrew his name from the NBA Draft. He had said if he wouldn't be drafted in the first round he would go back to school. No mock drafts had him being taken in the first round. The abundance of point guards in this year's draft did not work in Chris' favor. He is already back in summer school. Since he did not sign with an agent he must re-imburse the NBA teams for all travel and stay expenses. Thomas worked out for Boston, Golden State, Minnesota, New Jersey, Phoenix, Portland, and Seattle. Truthfully, Chris didn't stand a chance of going in the first round. He wasn't even first team All Big East! Testing the pro waters this year means he will probably go for sure next year. He cannot test those same waters next year. NCAA rules state a player can only submit and withdraw his name from the NBA Draft once.
So the baseball team won the Big East again. They also won plenty of Big East awards. Sophomore RHP Chris Niesel was named Big East Pitcher of the Year. His stats: 7-0; 2.58 ERA; 0.247 BAA; and 8-to-1 K-to-BB ratio. ND has had 4 of the last 6 Pitchers of the Year. Niesel was joined by sophomore 1B Matt Edwards on the Big East 1st Team. Senior RHP Ryan Kalita and junior 2B Steve Sollman were on the 2nd Team. The 3rd Team had senior close J.P. Gagne and senior RF Kris Billmaier.
The baseball team then went to the NCAA Regional at Cal State Fullerton. The Irish were the #3 team (of 4) at the Regional. This was our 18th NCAA appearance and the 9th of the Mainieri era. (Say that seven times real fast.) We beat Arizona 13-5 inthe first game. Cal State took us down 4-3. The lads bounced back to knock off San Diego, 6-3. So we made it to the final 32 teams. But Fullerton ended our run with an 8-1 victory. We finished 45-18. But the activity didn't end there. RHP J.P. Gagne was drafted in the 14th round by the Colorado Rockies. The cubs grabbed RHP Ryan Kalita in the 17th round. Finally, 2B Steve Sollman went to the Oakland A's in the 32nd round.
Campus News:
During second semester student senators pushed through a resolution to extend weekday parietals from midnight to 1 a.m. The reason was that students very often study with each other past parietals and 24-hour space in dorms are not conducive to studying because of the presence of televisions and other social activities. The resolution alos was supported by studies that said group studying greatly benefitted students. Plus students have computers and other resources in their rooms that cannot easily be relocated to 24-hour spaces. Finally a survey showed roughly 80 percent of students favor extending parietals on weeknights.
The Campus Life Council met to vote on the issue. Despite getting 9 "yes" votes to 7 "no" votes, the resolution failed to pass. Resolutions require a two-thirds majority to pass. By the way, had it passed, all it would have been was a RECOMMENDATION to Vice President of Student Affairs Father Mark Poorman. So it really didn't matter because he would have likely vetoed it instantly. The rectors on the Campus Life Council questioned whether the resolution was simply to increase personal freedom. The Pangborn rector said, "I wonder how much there is need versus a desire to increase liberty." Gee, that's just HORRIBLEW. Increasing liberty? What a terrible idea. Good thing she voted againt an increase in liberty.
Campus Watch by the Gipper from Me:
Last week it was told how Board of Trustees Chairman Patrick McCartan said the investigation of Father Scully was "comprehensive and exhaustive" by a special committe. It was also told how the reporters confronted by Scully had never been contacted by this committee. The committee was headed by Robert Biolchini, an attorney in Tulsa. The other members were: Richard Notebaert, chairman and chief operating officer of Qwest Communications in Denver; Diana Lewis, a judge in West Palm Beach, Florida; and Alfred DeCrane Jr., former chairman and chief operating officer of Texaco Inc in Greenwich, Connecticut. Not only did they not contact the reporters in the incident, but they did not contact the NDSP officer who handled the assault report. It is not clear how many people they interviewed. They did not respond to South Bend Tribune requests for interviews.
Hall Notes:
Those of you who lived in Carroll in the '90s surely remember Father Al. Check out the following University release on FRAL...
May 21, 2003
Rev. Alfred E. D'Alonzo, C.S.C., a senior counselor in the Office of Academic Services for Student-Athletes and director of the Campus Bible Study at the University of Notre Dame, has been honored with the creation of an athletic grant-in-aid in his name.
The University has received a $100,000 commitment to endow the Father Al D'Alonzo, C.S.C., Grant-In-Aid, which will benefit members of the women's fencing and softball teams. It was established with a gift from the family of his brother Frank and nephew Frank Jr., in celebration of the 50th anniversary of Father D'Alonzo's ordination as a Holy Cross priest.
"Father Al has provided wise counsel to Notre Dame student-athletes for 15 years," said Kevin White, director of athletics. "We are most appreciative of his service and of his family's gift in support of two programs for which he has developed a particular appreciation."
A native of Orange, N.J., Father D'Alonzo enrolled at Notre Dame on an athletic scholarship in football in 1944 and played for two years. As a member of the Navy's V-12 program, he also attended Officers Training School on campus.
In his sophomore year, Father D'Alonzo gave up football and turned down his commission with the Navy to enter the priesthood. He received the habit of a novice in August 1946 at the Holy Cross Novitiate in North Dartmouth, Mass., and returned a year later to Notre Dame to complete his undergraduate studies in philosophy. After earning his bachelor's degree in 1949, he undertook theological studies at Holy Cross College in Washington, D.C., and in 1953 was ordained a priest of the Congregation of Holy Cross. He later earned his master's degree in educational administration and sociology and his doctorate in administration.
Father D'Alonzo served from 1953-69 as a prefect of discipline, director of athletics, teacher, vice principal, counselor and headmaster at high schools in New York, Connecticut and Massachusetts. He then spent two years in Canada as a research assistant at the University of Ottawa, from which he earned his doctoral degree. While in Canada he served as chaplain and counselor at Ottawa Teachers College.
From 1971-81, Father D'Alonzo served as dean of students at King's College in Wilkes-Barre, Pa., where he also taught Italian as an assistant professor of education.
Father D'Alonzo returned to Notre Dame in 1981, first on sabbatical and then serving for eight years on the staff of Moreau Seminary. He became director of Notre Dame's Campus Bible Study in 1986 and two years later was appointed a counselor in the Office of Academic Services for Student-Athletes. He also has served as an assistant rector in Pangborn and Carroll Halls. In academic services, he has assisted student-athletes with curricular planning, taught study skills, maintained NCAA records and provided academic and personal counseling. He has worked with various athletic teams, including lacrosse, hockey, baseball and football, and in recent years he has worked most closely with the fencing and softball programs.
In 1995, Father D'Alonzo was honored for his many lifetime endeavors when he received the Distinguished American Award presented by the Essex County (N.J.) Chapter of the National Football Foundation and College Football Hall of Fame. The foundation bestows the award on former players who have carried the lessons learned on the field into a life of service to community.
The golden jubilee of Father D'Alonzo's ordination will be celebrated this weekend (May 23-24).
NDSportscenter:
We actually already touched on some sports news with the Father Al piece. Here's a little more...
The baseball team had a surprising year considering all the players they lost. At one point in the season the Irish had won 23 of 25 games and had a seventeen game winning streak. The Irish were up to #16 in the rankings. They lost a 19 inning game to Rutgers later in the season. The score was only 5-3 but had 511 pitches, 44 baserunners, and lasted 4 hours and 42 minutes. The team finished the year at #23 and were the #3 seed in the 4-team Big East tourney. We opened with a win over West Virginia (9-1) and then beat Rutgers (9-3) to stay in the winner's bracket. It was a round robin affair so a team had to lose twice to be eliminated. We lost to Rutgers (15-11) but came back to beat them (11-3) in the final game. We repeated as Big East Champs, the first time their had been a repeat winner since St. John's in '85 and '86. The Irish were 43-16 and received an automatic berth in the NCAA tournament. This was our 15th straight 40+ win season. Only Florida State, Wichita State, and Clemson have longer 40+ win-season streaks.
More on the baseball team next week.
Campus News:
Two and a half months ago a former St. Mary's College student sued the school and Notre Dame in federal court. She alleged they failed to discipline a former football player she says raped her. The plaintiff is from Pittsburgh and is identified as Jane Doe. She also has a pending suit in St. Joseph Superior Court against Clifford Jefferson, the player she alleges raped her in March 2001. The federal suit was filed on March 24. In it she claims she was discouraged from filing a student disciplinary complaint against Jefferson by a Notre Dame assistant dean who advises sexual assault victims on both campuses of the process.
The woman attended St. Mary's from August 2000 to May 2001. She says the rape occurred in Jefferson's car outside her dorm while she was intoxicated. As a result of the rape and failure to take appropriate action by either school, she says she suffered emotional and mental distress and transferred to another school. She is seeking punitive damages and declarative relief after contending the University was aware of other sexual assault complaints against Jefferson, but took no action against him.
The St. Joseph Superior Court case has been quite unusual as the trial has been postponed and the first judge has stepped down. The postponement came in January when Jefferson, a Texas resident, showed up on the day of the trial. Previously he had not shown for court dates or responded to court mailings. He showed up without a lawyer and the judge was shocked. The judge had not expected him to appear and had not called any jurors. A dispute arose as to whether he should issue an immediate summary judgment in favor of the plaintiff or allow the case to go before a jury. The judge rejected the summary judgment, stepped down, and cause a predicted six-month delay in the trial.
Campus Watch by Me:
The South Bend Tribune ran an ENORMOUS story on the aftermath of Father Scully's resignation. I'll share bits and pieces of this over the summer.
The first item concerns a letter written by the Chairman of the Board of Trustees, Patrick F. McCartan, to Father Scully. The letter was dated May 12, 2003 and stated the following: "As you are aware, at the February 2003 meeting of the Board of Trustees, I appointed a Special Committee of the Board to look into the January 17, 2003 incident involving you and reporters from WNDU and the South Bend Tribune....The work of the Special Committee was both comprehensive and exhaustive, and went well beyond the events that took place in the Fisher Hall parking lot in January."
Apparently the "Special Committee" failed to inform McCartan of some of the facts. His letter was erroneous when it refered reporters from the Tribune. No Tribune employees were involved in the incident. The parties involved were WNDU-TV reporter Bonnie Druker, WNDU cameraman Patrick Hartney, and WSBT-TV report Jennifer Kuk. McCartan describes the committee's investigation as "comprehensive and exhaustive." Yet not one of these people were contacted or interviewed for firsthand information.
More next week.
Hall Notes:
We have another "Classic Moment in Vermin History" to share with y'all...
This story was passed our way by Matthew Miller '94 and it was written by Jack Hay. The tale will go by the title of "The Sculpture."
One night, very late, I was coming back from the bars in the spring of ' 93. I was getting out of a car in the D6 parking lot with a few other people and was EXTREMELY drunk... I don't recall who was driving but thank god it wasn't me... To make matters worse, we had made a late night run to Bill's, which meant I had loaded up with the Biscuits n' Gravy (double order for just $1.50), the proper name of which is "Jack Daniel's Biscuits and Gravy" due to the fact that after eating them you are ten times more drunk than when you showed up at the place.
Suffice to say I was liquored-up (I don't mean to ramble on like Dave Regnier about how drunk I was "I was the drunkest EVER... yeah...")) quite proper, and as I approached the front of the dorm I noticed a ruckus - Rob Leatherman and Grain Man were standing around the new sculpture in front of the dorm arguing about who thought it was uglier and who hated it more. I couldn't resist such a great forum for discourse and put in my two cents. Within minutes, we had worked ourselves up so much that we decided the only way to rid the dorm of this unsightly addition of "culture" was to do the job ourselves. Eric and Rob took turns trying to push the thing down, to no avail. Since, in those days, I was as bloated as Jim Morrison in his final years and clocking in at a solid 6'1", 210 lbs. (yes, I can now admit I ballooned up to 210 lbs. of solid gut) I backed up, took a good run at the sculpture, and laid into it with all of my mass.
The sculpture cracked at the attachment point to its foundation and the stupid little head came rolling off of the piece at the top that looked like an oversized version of those sticks the indians use to find water in the deserts of Arizona.
Triumphant in our exploits, we celebrated by dancing and singing and finally, by placing the round "head" in front of Fr. Sullivan's door. Luckily for me, my roommate (himself no ballerina) had the presence of mind to return to the first floor and return the head to the outside.
A bounty for our heads was put out by Fr. S, and before Boba Fett could capture us, we admitted to Fr. S our "bad judgment". We were lucky not to be expelled.
It ended up costing me nothing but one hour in Fr. Sullivan's office.
NDSportscenter:
Julius Jones is back. He has been re-admitted to ND. He had spent the past year at Arizona State. He was living and working out with his brother, a running back for the Arizona Cardinals. JJ will be in summer school starting June 16. No word yet on exactly what shape he is in. Regardless, look for him to start come Fall!
We have slipped a bit in the Directors' Cup. We are 10th after the first set of spring sports. However, we should garner more points after strong showings in baseball, softball, and outdoor track. By the way, four of the top ten teams in the standings are in the Big Ten, a conference we may have to try to join should the Big East become extinct.
Just how good is Carlyle Holiday at baseball? Well, at the end of his senior year in high school he joined the team for fun. He played in ten games and hasn't seen a competitive diamond since. No matter. The Cincinnati Reds still drafted him in the 44th round as an outfielder. Surprised? Don't be. Fomer QB Joe Theismann was drafted by the Minnesota Twins in the 39th round in 1971. And Tony Rice, who had less experience than Carlyle, was selected in 1990 by the Oakland A's in the 50th round.
ND hosted its first ever Big East Golf Championship. Thanks to Mother Nature the weather favored the Irish. The temperatures were in the mid 30s and the winds were up to 20 mph. The women capitalized and won their first ever Big East title. Miami came in second, a mere 44 strokes behind. The men went into the final round with a 4 stroke lead. And dispite having four of the top seven finishers, the fellas got second, losing to Virginia Tech by two strokes.
Campus News:
Some miscellaneous news....
Senator Richard Lugar, who was the Commencement keynote speaker, wasn't the onle big name to visit campus second semester. Former Attorney General Janet Reno spoke at Stepan Center and former presidential candidate Ralph Nader lectured at the Mendoza College of Business. Also, MSNBC's "Hardball with Chris Matthews" carried a live broadcast from ND. It was part of Matthews' College Tour. The political broadcast was done at Stepan and featured Senator John McCain via satellite. One thousand people attended the hour-long program.
The Library is home to some new renovations. Wireless internet is now in the building. Windows were replaced ot incorporate new ones that would filter out ultraviolet rays that could do damage to books. The basement has been competely re-done. In addition to 700,000 books, microfilm, and microfiche, the lower level now has furniture and carpeting.
The University's MBA program continues to climb in the rankings. U.S. News and World Report has the program ranked 29th. U.S. News determines a program's ranking based on four criteria: student selectivity, placement success, recognition by corporate recruiters, and academic reputation. Over the past four years, the number of applicants has grown by 142 percent and GPAs have risen from 3.15 to 3.36.
A 90-minute video yearbood (DVD and VHS) debuted this year. ND is one of less than ten schools to have a video yearbook. The sales goal was 2,000 units. The DVDs go for $30 and the cassettes are $25.
Campus Watch by Me:
The Observer reported the Glee Club was performing at Suffield High School in Suffield, Connecticut during its spring break tour. One energetic lad did a figurative solo of "Moon Dance." When I say "figurative" I mean the only cheeks warbling something with "moon" in the title were those on the lad's posterior. His trouser drop and backside display was viewed by other Glee Club members and some local high school students. The issue was brought to the attention of Res Life. Fitting since Res Life is a pain in the ass.
Hall Notes:
Last week the news was that the Vermin won a 4th straight Fisher Regatta. As luck would have it, we have some photos to share from that event. These pictures are courtesy of then sophomore and Carroll President Ryan Greenberg. photos are provided at the link below and each one can be enlarged by individual selection....
http://www.ryangreenberg.com/gallery/album09
NDSportscenter:
For the seventh straight year the Domer men and women have won the Big East Commissioner's Trophies for athletic excellence. This is actually the eighth straight year the men have been the cream of the Big East crop. We have been a part of the Big East for eight years.
There may not be a Big East for us to dominate in a few years. Miami, Syracuse and boston college may defect to the ACC. If they do, the Big East will have to steal three teams from other conferences or risk going extinct. If the Big East cannot maintain enough football teams, we may have to start talking with the Big Ten. I feel certain Miami will go to the ACC. Hopefully the other schools can convince b.c. and Syracuse to stay (even thought b.c. has already stated that if Miami goes, so may they). I hope the Big East poaches Louisville. And because of the loss of Miami, ND will pick up the slack by playing 3 or 4 Big East teams a year. That's what I'm hoping anyway. I figure there is a solid 1% chance of that happening.
The women's tennis team started the year ranked 22nd. This is the thirteenth straight year the ladies were in the pre-season top 25. They finished the year #21 and claimed their fifth Big East title. This crown earned them an automatic spot in the NCAA tournament. It is the 11th NCAA appearance in the last 12 years. The ladies took on #38 Missouri in the first round. The Irish defeated the Tigers 4-1. The women made it to the round of 32 but were beaten 4-0 by #15 Vanderbilt. The women finished the year with a 16-9 record.
The men's tennis team opened the year with a #27 ranking. We have been in the top 35 for the beginnings of 13 straight seasons. The Irish faltered to a #54 ranking. However, the Domers did come up with an upset of Virginia Tech in the Big East tournament at the end of the season. We won a share of the Big East Championship with Miami. The final, though, was cancelled due to weather. Miami was given the overall top seed and automatically made the NCAAs. We did not have a good enough record to get an at-large bid and didn't make the tournament.
Campus News:
In early May the University fired Rev. Samuel J. Peters for misconduct. Peters was the rector for Sorin Hall. According to the University, Peters was dismissed for engaging in an inappropriate relationship with an adult female. The University declined to comment on whether the woman was a student. Officials pledged privacy to the woman's family. Peters had served as the Sorin rector since August of 2001. The Sorin residents were informed of the dismissal by Rev. Mark Poorman, the Vice President for Student Affairs. The students were instructed to not comment and refer all reporters to the public affairs office.
Peters was ordained a Holy Cross priest last September. He entered the Moreau Seminary on campus in 1995. Peters is gone from campus and could nto be reached for comment. According to the University, his future "is out of Notre Dame's hands and in the hands of the order." Holy Cross order officials did not make a public statement.
Peters was just profiled in the most recent Notre Dame Magazine. He opened an article on up-and-coming priests. He was photographed with a basketball. Pretty fitting since he played on the all-Seminary and ranked Bookstore team of Nunc Dimittis (Latin for "now you dismiss.") If you still have the Magazine, you'll find the portion about Peters to be quite interesting.
Campus Watch by the Gipper from Scholastic:
A few mobsters were socializing in the high-class housing district just east of campus when somebody nearby had the mature idea of starting a water fight. The group of males moved quickly to check out the scene of the fight. They soon noticed that, in classic playground style, it was split down the middle in terms of gender - boys vs. girls. So our subjects decided to help the girls by filling up pots and pans with water to dump on their opponents.
The problem was, the newly-enlisted soldiers weren't too familiar with the enemy. One young cadet spied someone relieving his troubles on a nearby wall, and, assuming he, too, was in on the action, dumped a pan of water on his head and ran away. The recipient of the baptism, who already had his blood riled up with some happy juice, was not too pleased with the surprise attack. So he finished putting out the fire and decided to chase after his assailant.
Unaware that the man he was searching for was already safe inside an apartment, this wet willy started scouring for someone fitting certain height and ethnic minority requirements. Spotting someone he assumed was his target, our friend threw the kid against a car and let one rip across his face. (Oh yeah, did the Gipp mention that we happen to be dealing with a Bengal Bouts champion? And no, we ain't talking flyweight.) Now Gipplings, we all know what happens when we assume - we accidentally punch a stranger who had absolutely nothing to do with dumping water on our head. So this poor bystander was forced to go a few rounds with Rocky at no fault of his own, besides the malicious act to having the same skin color and being the same height as another Notre Dame student. Part of the Gipp feels that he should pontificate and give some sort of "don't punch strangers" advice, but honestly, Uncle Gipp finds this to be quite humorous.
Hall Notes:
The Vermin once again claimed victory in the Fisher Regatta. This was the 4th year in a row the Carroll lads took the crown. And just like last year, another dorm tried to sabotage our boat. The culpable parties this year belonged to Fisher. During the night before the race they absconded with the Vermin sailing vessel. The Fisher boys employed the use of a dumbbell to try to sink Carroll's boat. Alas the weight failed to plunge the ship to the bottom of St. Mary's Lake. Repairs on Wood n' Caulk began at 1:30AM. The frame was damaged and the wood was soaked but the good doctors got her up and running by 2PM. The Vermin won 3 heats and then defeated Fisher in the Championship round. As the old saying goes: "Winners never cheat and cheaters get their asses kicked by Vermin."
NDSportscenter:
School is out but I've got a backlog of sporting news reaching back to the winter sports. Speaking of winter sports, we are 5th in the Directors' Cup after these activities. This is our best ever position at this point in an athletic year. Our previous best at this point was 10th in 1996-97.
The women's swimming and diving team won its seventh consecutive Big East Conference Championship. Domers won 7 events in all. Junior Meghan Perry-Eaton became the first even Domer diver to win a Big East title. She was named the 2003 Diver of the Meet. Meghan went on to the NCAA Championships where she earned honorable mention All- American honors in 1-meter diving. Junior Lisa Garcia also was named an honorable mention All-American. She was 14th in the 200-meter butterfly at the NCAAs.
The men's swimming and diving team did not do as well. They were 4th at the Big East Championships. The fellas did not have any individual winners but did set seven school records.
Both the men's and women's track teams sent competitors to the Indoor NCAA Championships. Luke Watson got his 3rd Indoor All-American honor (and 6th overall). He placed third in the mile with a time of 4:06.48. Luke was 0.02 seconds out of 2nd and 0.78 seconds from the national title. Watson also ran the 3000 meters. But the mile race took its toll and he only got 11th place. Sophomore Lauren King received her first Indoor All-American honor (and 3rd overall) in the mile. She had a time of 4:43.89. As a whole, the men's team tied for its 3rd highest scoring ever at the NCAAs. The women matched their highest ever point total.
Campus News:
Yet ANOTHER bar was raided for underage patrons. The Library Irish Pub, formerly known as the bar Finnegan's, formerly known as a place where 19-year-olds wouldn't profess to be 24-year-old Maine grad students, was hit in late April a few days before the end of classes. About 200 to 300 people were in the bar at the time of the bust. Authorities cited 51 underage patrons for underage drinking and possession of false identification. A total of 75 citations were issued for "Minor in a Tavern." (Personally, I love how "Tavern" is still on the books. Sweet old school. Now if they could just bring back blacksmits, cobblestone streets, and the first name "Humphrey.") The raid came three weeks after a complaint was filed about youngsters boozing it up at the pub. Once again the cops had the ND directory to help identify Domers.
This is the second raid this year. The Boat Club featured 213 underage misdemeanors. It doesn't look like any poor sap was caught in both raids. (Imagine the black cloud hanging over a kid busted twice. Just don't take him to Vegas.) The Library was first hit in October of 2000 when it was known as Finnegan's. The bar's owners were forced to sell the watering hold because of legal action. The new name became The Library, where patrons could read up on historical figures such as Sam Adams.
The Class C misdemeanor can receive up to a $500 fine, six months in jail and confiscation of driver's license. Expect a more lenient punishment in the way of fines and community service. And of course the University will lay the smackdown. What a convenient way to boost the University's bottom line.
Campus Watch by the Gipper from Scholastic:
Our first tip comes to us from some lovely South Quadian ladies. It's the classic Notre Dame story: Girl gets drunk, girl does something embarrassing, Gipp-loyal roommate sends in the tip. girl has one great memory in print. Nothing new, but the Gipp's not one to deny anyone their 15 minutes, so let's begin.
This Cinderella had a little too much fun at the ball, so as she rushed home before the clock struck 2 a.m., she consequently forgot the exact location of her sleeping quarters. Happens to the best of us, but the Gipp has learned that our confused princess allegedly made one more mistake - she also forgot the difference between a bathroom stall and the lap of a girl sitting on a futon. Turns out this young lady stumbled into a dark room that wasn't even on the same floor as hers. This Gippling then pulled down her pants and prepared to do her business. The scared target on the futon screamed for her life, which prompted another resident of the room to rush in, turn on the lights and request that everyone just calm down, take a deep breath and put their pants back on.
The two almost-victims attempted to lead the intruder upstairs to her room, but when they arrived where she had claimed she lived, she denied that she even lived on that floor. Our frustrated couple just gave up, leaving their newly-made friend to fend for herself. Our tipster reports that she did indeed make it back to her own room eventually, but, of course, has no recollection of the event. Being a drunken college girl who was oh-so-willing to take her pants off, our friend should appreciate that this occurence was the worst thing to happen to her that night. In a related story, a certain someone supposedly is now known to some hallmates as "naked drunk girl." Well, at least first impressions don't last forever, right?
Hall Notes:
At the end of the school year I again tried to invite the Carroll seniors to this Vermin alumni website. As in the past, I email the RAs to get the list of Vermin seniors both on campus and off. Funny thing.....all of a sudden there are now FOUR RAs. Back in the day we had only three, one each on the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th floors. And I do believe there were only three last year. This year a fourth was apparently added on the north end of the second floor. What's up? Did second floor all of a sudden become a haven for rambunctious DuLac violators? Nooooo. DuLac violators in Carroll? A fallacy if I've ever heard one.
NDSportscenter:
Chris Thomas just completed his sophomore year and he has entered himself in the NBA draft. He has not signed with an agent, though. If he is not considered to be a top 20 pick, Thomas has said he will come back for his junior year. The draft is June 26 and Chris has until June 19 to take his name out of consideration. Thomas is now the third Domer to leave school early and the first sophomore to look toward the pros.
We have our third basketball transfer in 5 years. Forward Dennis Latimore has left Arizona to suit up for the Irish. Latimore chose us over Iowa State, Minnesota, Oklahoma, and Wichita State. The 6'8", 238 pounder will be here for summer school. He will have two years of eligibility remaining. We are a hotbed for transfers after going 27 years without taking any.
The men's basketball team landed recruit Russell Carter, a 6'4", 190 lb. shooting guard. He sort of fell off the radar after undergoing off-season knee surgery. His senior year he averaged 30ppg, 11.2rpg, and 3.4apg. Russell carries a 3.9 GPA and scored 1130 on the SAT.
We also have a verbal commitment to report. Robert Kurz of Penn Charter High School has orally committed as a junior. The 6'8", 210lb forward scored 20ppg and snagged 11rpg. The Philadelphia product turned down Indiana, Stanford, and Villanova. Kurz is a top 100 recruit and his commitment has left us with two remaining scholarships. However that could become 3 if Thomas bolts.
Coach Brey's #2 assistant has left to take a head coaching position. Anthony Solomon, 39, will be the new leader at St. Bonaventure. The remaining assitants have been promoted but a vacancy still exists. That may open the door for alum Martin Ingelsby to return. In the past Brey has stated that he believe Martin could one day be a fine assistant on his staff.
Campus News:
Effective June 30, Rev. Timothy R. Scully, the third in command at the University, will be out as executive Vice President. This announced resignation came on the heels of a Board of Trustees meeting on campus. Part of that meeting included a report from a committee appointed to investigate Scully's behavior. The investigation centered around the January 16 incidents where Scully allegedly grabbed on television reporter, pushed another reporter, and supposedly had alcohol on his breath. The resignation supposedly followed top-level discussions about the leadership at the University. According to the South Bend Tribune, sources said the administration was divided on getting rid of Scully. The sources said Monk wanted him out and supposedly was even ready to resign if Scully remained. Scully, 49, is no longer a possible successor but plans to remain on the faculty. He is a tenured professor of political science. Scully joined the faculty in 1989. He graduated from ND in 1976 with a degree in economics. Scully had been appointed to his position in May of 2000 and has been a University officer since 1994.
The focus now shifts to the Board of Trustees to fina a replacement. Chairman Patrick McCartan has approved a committe to search for a successor and recommend a candidate for election by the Board. McCartan had previously appointed a four-member trustee committee in February to investigate Scully, who will remain a fellow and trustee of the University.
The executive Vice President is responsible for the University's fiances, business and human resource operations, campus construction, and overseeing WNDU. The new search begins just three years after Father Beauchamp stepped aside because of the Kim Dunbar incident that left the University with its first ever NCAA sanctions. Beauchamp, by the way, is no longer around. In 2002 he was transferred to become senior Vice President at the University of Portland, which is affiliated with the Congregation of the Holy Cross.
Campus Watch:
This grapevine item comes from a Wisconsin newspaper. Former Irish football player tackle Brennan Curtin was drafted by the Green Bay Packers. In the process of determining whether they wanted to select him, Curtin had to come clean about why he was benched for the Gator Bowl. Brennan had asked teammate Jordan Black for a hair sample for a drug test. Curtin stated he was afraid marijuana would show up. He said he had been at a party where someone had a joint and he had briefly been exposed to the smoke. Curtin was busted and suspended for the game. He chose to waive his 5th year senior eligibility and enter the NFL draft.
Hall Notes:
This short Classic Moment in Vermin History centers around the greatest carnivore to ever set foot in Carroll. Ryan "O-Dogg" O'Leary '96 tells a tale about his Puerto Rican classmate, Cris "Pimpi" Diaz. It's called "I Didn't Eat the Whole Cow"....
We were f*cking with Pimpi as usual, and all of a sudden we decided to figure out (based on a rough estimate of his lifetime burger consumption) how many cows he had gone through. So (Dan) Dykens ('96) called Colorado Steakhouse and asked them how many burgers they can get from the average cow. We figured it came to around 3 1/2 cows or so...so we find Pimpi and told him he killed 4 cows...he says "I didn't eat the whole cow"...at which point (John) Donovan ('96) comes up with the now classic "Well I guess they don't kill 'em then."
NDSportscenter:
Over twenty thousand people turned out for the 74th Blue-Gold Game. The Blue was victorious over the Gold, 17-14. Starting quarterback Carlyle Holiday is firmly entrenched in the #1 QB spot. He only played two series and the majority of the work went to the back-ups to see who would be the stronger #2. Sophomore-to-be Chris Olsen made the most of the opportunity. He was named the Offensive Player of the Game. Chris played for both the Blue and Gold. He was 11 of 25 for 146 yards and was responsible for 4 of the 5 scoring drives, including a rushing touchdown for himself. Pat Dillingham struggled a great deal. He and new center Bob Morton fumbled four snaps and Pat threw 2 interceptions. He was only 5 for 15. The tight ends were prime targets in the game. Anthony Fasano caught 3 for 63 yards and former quarterback Jared Clark, now a beefy 242, snagged 2 for 47 and a two- point conversion. Defensive end Justin Tuck recorded 3 sacks and was named the Defensive Player of the Game. Another item of note is who was in attendance. Former running back Julius Jones was on tap to see the game and visit with the team. Supposedly we will find out in June if he has been re-accepted. Tyrone says he is welcome and a scholarship is waiting.
Six Domers were taken in the NFL Draft. Only center Jeff Faine was taken on Day 1. He was the #21 pick in the 1st round by the Cleveland Browns. He is the first center taken in the 1st round since 1999. Look for Jeff to possibly start right away. Last year's starter was released. Tackle Jordan Black was selected by the Kansas City Chiefs in the 5th round, #153 overall. Guard Sean Mahan went 15 picks later to the World Champion Buccaneers. The Baltimore Ravens added another Domer in safety Gerome Sapp with the 182nd pick in the 6th round. Arnaz Battle's stock dropped with poor combine workouts. The 49ers took him in the 6th (#197). Finally, Green Bay drafted Brennan Curtin (6th, #212). For the first time in history, we had four offensive lineman taken in one draft.
Your football ticket application is due on May 16. A single ticket now costs $48. That's up $5 from last year and $10 over the last two years. Ouch.
Campus News:
First they get busted and then they get sued. On January 24th, 213 Notre Dame and St. Mary's students were cited for the Class C felony "Minor in a Tavern" after a raid on The Boat Club. Now all of the students are each being sued for $3,000 plus court fees by The Boat Club owner for being cited. The documentation given to the students stated that the "Defendant knowingly made false statements...of their age for purposes of inducing Plaintiff to allow Defendant to gain admission to defendant's business establishment...[and] the Plaintiff has sustained damages, expenses, losses, costs and attorney fees due to the fraudulent actions of the Defendant." The students receiving summons were assigned a time for a court hearing and were instructed to appear at the Small Claims Division of the St. Joseph Superior Court. University spokesman Dennis Brown said that the University will provide some guidance to the students. "We do plan to refer students, through Student Affairs, to appropriate resources, primarily local attorneys." The action by the owner of The Boat Club isn't very surprising to some in the area. He has a reputation for being a shady character, so this behavior fits him to a "T".
Campus Watch by the Gipper from Scholastic:
During his break from academia, one Domer decided that he could not completely leave his biochemical knowledge behind. This student reasoned that his mouth was not the most efficient in-hole when one desires rapid intoxication. So the sailor grabbed a bottle of a local brew and decided to follow a simple five step process: 1.) Lay naked on you back. 2.) Pull legs back over head. 3.) Apply lubrication to both the battleship and the port. 4.) Insert gently. 5.) Repeat steps one through four the following night, using vodka instead of beer. The catcher was supposedly on record saying "It was not ribbed for my pleasure - I'll tell you that." Have fun explaining that one to your future wife. Wait, sorry...future life partner.
Hall Notes:
As far as I know, the Vermin weren't really representin' in the Bookstore tourney. The only Vermin that made it deep into the rounds were a couple football players. Carlyle Holiday's team, Adworks, entered the tournament as the #1 seed. That's not surprising considering they won Bookstore last year. His team returned four of five starters and their fifth, defensive end Jerome Collins, was even better than their fifth from last year. The only other Carroll baller was actually a former Carroll resident. Baltimore Ravens' defensive lineman Anthony Weaver is apparently back on campus for the spring semester to work toward his degree. He was one of three football players on Killer Boots Man, the #15 seed. They were upset, however, by the #18 team in the round of 32.
NDSportscenter:
The Stepan courts are a thing of the past, as are their friendly, slightly sub-10-foot front rims. The new Bookstore tournaments will be defined by 60-minute plus games and not-even-close-to-30-percent field goal percentages. How ironic are the new doubled-rimmed courts... The irons are meant to defy vandals but succeed at destroying the confidence of many a shooter. Back in the day, Bookstore players honed their skills on non-giving rims at the Rock and ate up the chummy hoops at Stepan come Bookstore time. Now the players practice at Rolfs on breakaway rims and cannot adjust to irons so unforgiving that you shouldn't even bother trying to make a confession. The games this year were easily 15 to 20 minutes longer. The teams were exhausted and the level of play showed it.
Bookstore XXXII did prove intriguing, though. An all-staff team made the Sweet Sixteen, as did three unranked team. The #1 team was re-seeded at #1 for the Sweet Sixteen despite lethargic and uninspired play. In fact, the #1 team LOST in the Elite Eight to the #8 team. That is, without a doubt, the biggest disappointment/choke/upset I've seen in 9 years. The #8 team, RBC, lost a player due to injury and made a HUGE pickup. RBC acquired linebacker Courtney Watson, who was on the championship Bookstore team two years ago. Watson played a crucial role in the Final Four as RBC beat #5 La-Z-Boys. That game was basically a rout but still took 40 minutes. (Bookstore games of the past usually ran 45 minutes in even a tightly contested game.) NDToday.com was the other team in the title game after a 65-minute ordeal with #3 We Get Wet.
The Championship was the tamest I've ever seen. The weather was perfect (70s, sunny, slightly breezy) but the crowds were not. Unfortunately their was next to no heckling and the refs rarely caught an earful. Basketball walk-on Dan Lustig helped #2 NDToday.com to a 5-point-lead. Then RBC made their move. The 85-minute (oy vey!) contest ended with the #8 team (#13 before re-seeding) knocking down a jumper for a 21-18 victory.
Campus News:
Classes end on Wednesday. Then study days and the dreaded finals are the week after. Another year has come to a close. And another batch of suckers enter the job market and its two pathetic weeks of vacation as opposed to the limitless number of days off while in college. Am I bitter? Scathing. Well, it ain't all smooth for the students. Some of those registering for next Fall experienced the worst registration situation in two decades. For the record, DART was officially out in the Fall of 2001. Now it's all done on the web. The 12-year old server crashed and 2,500 students had to wait 2 days to register. Dudes, 12-year-old server? Yeah, that's wise. Let's put the whole campus on BASIC. The University has helped to organize the Chad Sharon Memorial Fund. The honor to the memory of the freshman aims to provide partial support for an undergraduate student. The family hopes to make it an endowed scholarship. Depending on how much the scholarship fund raises, it would either support an endowed scholarship or provide a set amount of funds to a specific number of students. While the exact plans are being worked out, the University has already received about $20,000. The Computer Science Club has been a supporter of the memorial fund. Chad was a member of the club and was prominent in the computer world on campus. He helped run Scholastic's website and will obviously be missed.
Campus Watch by the Gipper from Scholastic:
Our next adventure concerns a fairly high-profile ND student vacationing on a sunny island. Our friend and his drunken cronies were socializing in a nightclub (hopefully not past 2 a.m.), when he decided he needed to use the establishment's men's room. The bathroom was momentarily empty, because says our tipster, most males were busy watching some sort of "wet T-shirt contest." (Not being able to locate these key words in the index of DuLac, the Gipp hopes all Irish students closed their eyes for the duration of this heathen display.) Alone in the bathroom, this fine exemplar of Notre Dame was using the facilities for their designed purpose when his dinner started to come back up. So, with the southern river still flowing, he leaned over and let it out into the urinal. As if simultaneously emitting two bodily fluids wasn't enough, this Gippling then felt something knocking at the back door. And then it happened: Standing in the middle of the restroom, he let the snake creep out of the hole, thus completing the trifecta of human byproducts. If this illustration didn't rile you up enough, reread this story next time you're consuming oatmeal, chocolate and lemonade at the same time.
Hall Notes:
Since it's Bookstore time, it's appropriate to catalog the team of DOS KLOSKAS. The squad consisted of four Vermin and one Flanner (I believe) resident. The Vermin were Mike Kloska '96, Jeff Kloska '97, Dan Fannon '97, and linebacker Bert Berry '97. Pete Coleman '96 was the fifth. So when they were all freshman and sophomores they were relative unknowns. Their first year ended in the Elite Eight where they lost to a team that had a senior member of the men's basketball team. That was the game where Jeff suffered a series of injuries but kept getting taped up to continue playing. As sophomores and juniors they made it to the Final Four but lost to the eventual champions that had a football player and a senior basketball player. Their last shot together would come in the spring of 1996. DOS KLOSKAS entered Bookstore as one of the top teams, obviously. After making the Sweet Sixteen they were re-seeded to #2. They advanced to the Championship where they faced the #4 all-senior team known as Showtime. Two classy team played a classic game. The weather was less than stellar. Light rain made the Stepan court a slippery environment. DOS KLOSKAS claimed the crown with a 21-19 victory. Dan Fannon scored 6 buckets and was named MVP. Bert Berry added 7 baskets and was on the All Holtz Team. Pete Coleman hit a 22-footer to win the game and also earned Mr. Bookstore honors. Mike and Jeff Kloska made 1st Team All Bookstore. A basketball commemmorating the event is in the Carroll Hall trophy case. The ball has the date and score and was signed by the members of DOS KLOSKAS, the Bookstore XXV Champions.
NDSportscenter:
Last week I gave you the censored Bookstore team names. Sort of a tough act to follow for the uncensored teams. Anyway, here are some selected team names that weren't axed by Student Activities....
I'm glad the '80s are remembered...
Gary Coleman
Steve Perry (awesome Journey frontman)
Twisted Sister Reunion Tour
Tony Danza and the Mark Panza Extravaganza (captained by Mark Panza)
I Disagree, I Think Donkey Kong is the Greatest Game Ever
Pop Culture...
Opie and the Mayberry Enforcers
For Me to Hoop On (paraphrase of that damn insult pupper dog)
Pack of Brutal Knaves, Featuring the Olsen Twins
Half of Shawn Kemp's Illegitimate Children
Ones that didn't get censored...
Premature Elimination
Maybe If We Slam a Few You'll Score (chick team)
Dolly Parton, Finnegan's, & 3 Other Huge Busts
One Hawaiian & 4 Girls Who Like to Give Lei's
We Are Seamen....Watch Us Shoot
Once We Come Its Over
Self-Mockery...
Does Anyone Know CPR?
Team ShortBus
ND-related names...
The "Our Best Player Failed His Swim Test But We're Still Better Than
You" Team
DuLac? More Like Don't Lac
Odd and oddly funny...
Cooler Than a Polar Bear's Toe Nails
Mostly the Most Astronomically Great Team Ever. Ever.
My personal top 5 favorites...
5. The French Are Felch Mongrels
4. 5 Guys Who Know a Thing or Two About a Thing or Two
3. 5 Guys Who Know a Guy Who Pooped His Pants
2. Once We Come It's Over
1. This Is The Most We're Ever Going to Score at Notre Dame
Campus News:
This news item is a VerminNet.com original. VerminNet.com broke the story. (Gee, I feel like a real-live journalist!)....
In years past I've selected the funniest Bookstore names and distributed them to alums. This year's list struck me as lacking. Where were the names touching on current events, specifically the war? Since Domers are the cleverest mammals on Earth, I was befuddled at the lack of creativity. Did my fellow Domers turn into state schoolers overnight? Say it ain't so.
The number of censored teams also struck me. I counted over 110 censored names. That's over 20% of the 539 team total. I guess 20% isn't that surprising once you find out Student Activities used UrbanDictionary.com to snuff out names that tried to fly in under the radar. (Personally, I think that website is a front. They are just as smutty as the rest of us, if not more.)
I recall last year that teams were censored for making light of Father Poorman and his alcohol policy. Even MORE interesting is the article last year that told of this censoring. I read that article at the on-line Observer site. I went back a couple of days later to re-read the piece and it had mysteriously disappeared. The whole Observer was there but that one article had been removed. The University censored an article about censoring. Can someone help me?....What's the definition of "fascism"?
I suspected Operation Iraqi Freedom was being censored. Hey, Censor, do me a favor...crawl out of your minuscule shell and introduce yourself to a life. THERE ARE JUST FREAKIN' BOOKSTORE NAMES! I don't believe for one second any Domer meant anything disrespectful to the Operation or to our courageous troops. To quote comedian Dennis Miller: "Our guys are in there kickin' ass, takin' hyphenated names." (That didn't really have anything to do with the theme of the paragraph. It's just too damn good of a one-liner to not share. Dennis kills.) The censors would have been wise to not be so blatant. All it did was provide me ammunition to gun them down. They shot themselves in the foot. Now I can target them and fire away with every military verb I can muster. To the censors who felt the team names were offensive or inappropriate....get over yourselves. Again, THESE ARE JUST FREAKIN' BOOKSTORE NAMES!
I took up the cause for my fellow Domers since I'm an alum out of the reach of Res Life. (Although I suppose Res Life could still spy on me. I heard The Man got a new pair of super-duper binoculars for Christmas.) I'll take the heat for this list. Frankly, the University isn't in my good graces anyway. I'll still ticked off they didn't offer my desired major. I tell ya, I'd have been the best damn jester this side of Medieval Times.
So I contacted the censored teams to compile the list. Now I'm not a vehement proponent of free speech. I don't spout about the First Amendment. I'm just doing this for laughs. I'm not a crusader. I'm just a mulatto: half jackass, half smartass.
(Check out the censored list in the ND Sports section below.)
Campus Watch by the Gipper from Scholastic:
A few weeks ago, some Irish students decided to celebrate Fat Tuesday by - gasp! - DRINKING ON A WEEKDAY. According to these party animals, "after a few drinks, (Gipp's translation: two) my friends, with their Mardi Gras masks on, proceeded to go to Coleman Morse Center with beads around their necks." Two of the rebels then tossed beads out to those studying in the lounge. The End.
Still waiting for the funny part? So is the Gipp. Boys and girls, this is embarrassing. The combination of college girls, alcohol and beads whose sole function is to make people do tip-worthy deeds should lead to much, much more than non-stories such as this one.
Hall Notes:
Last weekend we got the 411 from Gerry Grealish '88. Here's a story he shared. Let's call it "Ernie Altbacker"....
The University placed Fr. Sullivan as rector in Carroll at the beginning of our Sophomore year. As I was coming out of Fr. Sullivan's office upon my arrival (getting my phone, meeting him, etc.), a well known partier, rule-stretcher, and good guy named Ernie Altbacker was coming in. I hung out in the doorway for Ernie to finish up, and heard the following exchange between Ernie and Fr. Sullivan which I'll always remember:
Ernie: "I'm Ernie, its nice to meet you." (extending his hand)
Fr. S.: "Oh....you're Ernie. I've heard alot about you...not a lot of
it very good I'm afraid." (shaking his hand)
Ernie: "That surprises me, but not to worry...folks typically warm up to
me pretty quickly so we should be just fine."
Fr. S.: "Well, this copy of Du Lac should help us get along very well."
(handing it to Ernie)
Ernie: "No need to give me a copy Father, I've already perused it."
(Ernie handing it back to Father Sullivan)
Fr. S.: "Perhaps you should peruse it again Mr. Altbacker."
Ernie was kicked out 6 months later on a series of rules violations (obviously he was not up to speed on Du Lac). Carroll's loss was the Vermin's gain however...as Ernie landed in Campus View and threw parties pretty much every Wed. and Sat. night...with the Vermin front row and center.
NDSportscenter:
Behold, OPERATION BOOKSTORE FREEDOM...
Shock and Awe (5 Teams)
Shock-er and Ahh
Bombs Over Baghdad
Weapons of Mass Destruction
The Iraqi National Team
Saddam Eyes Hussein (hint: read the first two words as "sodomize")
Just Like Bush...We'll Shoot Your Lights Out
Why were these names censored?...
Swanney Wannabes: The Remix
He Hate Rerko
The Hong Dongs
Team Manstration
Dr. Comte and the Pink Buttons
Sherry Clarke (it's just a person's name!)
Skankunation (team's captain's last name is "Skakun")
Four Guys With Big Wengs (team's captain's last name is "Wenger")
Midget Mung Bobo Cheese Out of Geraniums In the Dutch Oven
Alcohol team names are out. Apparently y'all didn't read the fine print in the new alcohol policy. It states, in Article 17, paragraph B, part iii, sentence g.): "Thou shalt not put alcohol in they written word. Ever. Ever. Ever.".....
5 Drunks and a Phil
Basketball Is Our Drinking Game
The Natural Light Weights
28% of Our Team Drank 75% of the Alcohol on Campus (Res Life stat bust)
Drunk As Hell
Pop Culture References...
Crotch Capers 5 (South Park)
Carl Winslow & the Rusty Trombones (Family Matters)
White American (Eminume song, seemingly to test the censors)
We Can Derelict Our Own Basketballs (Zoolander adaptation)
Pu-Tang Clan
Potpourri....
Team Cracker
Chronic J Hitters
Four White Guys and a Smoking Cuban
4 Buds and the Toke
A Jew and 4Skins
Mormon Bachelor Party
Teams that get "beat"...
Off on J. Hagan
Off In The Shower
ND related team names...
Two Male Cheerleaders and Three Heterosexuals
One Male Cheerleader and his Four Heterosexual Friends
Four Rowers Who Play with Their Cox (ND crew)
We Do It Better Wet (ND swimmers)
Our Cox Tell Us When to Stroke (ND crew)
OutreachND.org (Yip, once again the University stomped on homosexual
students by censoring their name altogether)
No One Knows We're Lesbians (All all gay men's team that was allowed
the name last year but...well you know...the whole stomping thing)
Now this censoring just oozes of ignorance...
Cowboys and Indian
"Indian" is derogatory? No. As I've read, Columbus did not name America's inhabitants after "India." India was known as Hindustan in 1492. "Indian" most likely comes from Columbus' poor Spanish. He was Italian but employed by Spain. In his written accounts he called the Indians, "Una gente in Dios." A people in God. In God. In Dios. Indians. So the University censored God. You know what that means? Our beloved Catholic institution is infested with PAGANS!
The guys aren't the only horndogs on campus. Here are some teams captained by ladies. And, fellas, don't even THINK about calling these randy women. I got dibs....
Casual Sex
Pink Tassles
Girls Who Like the Banana
Girls on Their Knees, Begging Please, Let Us Score!
Co-Ed Naked Chemists: We Do It In An Excited State
Barbie Likes Nuts and Pickles
Current Events...
We Want LeBron's Mom to Give Us a Hummer Too
5 White Guys Who Wouldn't Be Here If It Weren't for Affirmative Action
Shooting for Sweet 16 Like R. Kelly
We Can't Believe That LeBron Got A Hummer From His Mom!
Innuendo that would make the Marquis de Sade swoon...
60 Inches of Sausage
Better In Bed
She Said She Was 18
Is It In?
Hot Carl
25 Sticky Fingers
Use a Hoe Garden Me
Sofa King We Todd Did (sound it out)
Ice Cold Beery Will Only Take Shots on a Rarickasian (I'm clueless, is that even dirty?)
MILF Hunters
V-card Swipers
Brownstar Navigation
Seminole Fluid
Crabs...Got The Itch?
Cleveland Steamers
Reverse Cowgirl
My Team is Colonel Angus
Colonel Angus on the Southern Front
We Score More Than Chamberlain...and We're Not Bad At Basketball Either
1,000 Pounds of Flesh Knocking at the Back Door
'Whiskey' Dick & 4 Guys Who Can't Elevate Enough to Get Their Shot Off
Peter North, Ron Jeremy, & 3 Others That Can Shoot From Inside
The Mustache Riders
Four Footlongs & a Crinkle Fry
Baller, I Just Met Her
We Just Want to Put the Tip In
And my personal favorite....
Your Best O Comes Against our D
That's it. For those of you who laughed incessantly at the jokes.... you're welcome. For those of you who were offended by the jests.... I DO NOT CARE. For those of you currently trying to pass a kidney stone... Sucks to be you. See you next year.
Campus News:
Go to the Articles of Interest page to read two more pieces on the Domer that was injured while participating in Operation Iraqi Freedom.
Budget cuts and tuition hikes. Those are the themes for the 2003-04 academic year. Due to the loss in the endowment and the slow economy, the Board of Trustees has called for these measures. The student life, academic budgets, and other department budgets will be cut by 5 to 7 percent. The University has not made budget cuts in the past decade. In fact, a University spokesman did not believe any cuts were made in the past two decades. "There are no layoffs that are specifically mandated by this budget, but it's up to the various department heads both on the academic and administrative sides to implement those percentage reductions," a University spokesman said. "You really can't entirely rule out the possibility of some reductions in personnel." The University, though, has stated that financial aid will not be hindered by the budget cuts.
In addition to the budget cuts, the Board also increased tuition for both undergraduates and the Graduate School by 6.5 percent to $27,170 and $27,070, respectively. The Law School and MBA program tuitions will also increase by 6.5 percent to $27,800. The undergrad room and board is also up. The total cost for on-campus Domers in 2003-04 will be $34,100. The 6.5 percent increase compares to a 4.9 percent increase for each of the last two year.
Campus Watch by the Gipper from Scholastic:
Here's some advice for the investigators of the hanky-panky described in last week's Campus Watch: The owner of this undergarment in question is NOT a certain dorm's rectress. This sista' still owns her unmentionables, and proudly displays them to anyone who happens to live in or visit her dorm. The Gipp has been informed that many eyes have painfully witnessed this naughty nun walking around wearing nothing more than a green Notre Dame shirt and white cotton Hanes. And we're not talking about walking around the room with the door open. This sight can supposedly be seen all hours of the night in all parts of the dorm. Like most of you readers, the Gipp is still very confused as to the reason behind this display. However, the Gipp is very thankful that no photographic evidence was included with this tip.
Hall Notes:
Vermin Gerry Grealish '88 has given us an update on the last 15 years...
Gerry got his degree in Aerospace Engineering before moving on to the University of Chicago. While in Chi-town he received his MBA in Finance and Marketing. Then it was on to Idaho for employment with Hewlett Packard. Gerry moved to Boise with his fiancee, Ellen, an '89 boston college grad. (A boston college grad??!?!?) They were out there for 7 fantastic years. Just take it from Gerry: "HP is a great place to work.. cannot say enough about the people and the company. Idaho rocks... great outdoor stuff as you would imagine, and Boise actually has a lot going on. People are very surprised when they visit." First child led to a move back east in '99 to be closer to family. There are two children now, Katie (age 4) and Keegan (age 2). Gerry was also "interested in trying the start-up thing." So now he's the V.P. of Marketing for Marketswitch in Dulles, Virginia.
NDSportscenter:
Spring football practice has been going on for the last two weeks. The team is allowed 15 total practices by the NCAA. The annual Blue-Gold game is on tap for Saturday, April 26th. The team is surprisingly banged up considering they have had a month and a half off. We are particularly thin at running back. Ryan Grant is hurt and will see little activity. Rashon Powers-Neal has been moved from running back to fullback. That's not surprising considering three fullbacks just completed their eligibility. Still no word yet on Julius Jones returning to the program. Linebacker Mike Goolsby is out for the spring after suffering a broken collarbone in the Gator Bowl. Gary Godsey's action will be limited as he is still recovering from a knee injury suffered in the bowl game. A few other items: Carlos Campbell has been moved from wide receiver to cornerback....Former starting cornerback Jason Beckstrom is back from injury after being a medical red-shirt for all of last season....All our 5th year seniors are coming back on defense. Eight of eleven starters will return....We did not lose a single coach in the off-season to another school. The team's continuity should be excellent through spring and fall practice.
We are currently 4th in the NACDA Directors' Cup after the first set of winter sports. We were 3rd after the fall sports. Still to be included are our Sweet Sixteen appearances in men's and women's hoops and the National Championship in fencing.
Joe Theismann is finally going into the College Football Hall of Fame. Joe had endured a 15-year drought prior to being selected. He is one of eleven players and two coaches that will be officially inducted in December. Theismann will be enshrined in August of 2004. Joe had a phenomenal career for the Irish in an era not dominated by the air attack. Theismann was a runner-up to Stanford's Jim Plunkett for the Heisman Trophy.
Campus News:
The keynote speaker for the 158th Commencement for the Class of 2003 will be U.S. Senator Richard Lugar (R-Ind.). Lugar's claim to fame in Washington is as of the head of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. Monk Malloy said the following in a statement released by the University: "At a time when American foreign policy is going in dramatic new directions, we believe his vast experience in the field will be of particular interest to our graduates and their families." Lugar is currently serving his fifth term and is in his 27th year of serving our country. He is the first Indiana politician to deliver the keynote address since Domer Lt. Gov. (and former South Bend mayor) Joe Kernan in 1998.
Other Lugar notes: He plans to speak at other commencement ceremonies, including his alma mater, Denison University in Ohio, where he majored in economics....He attended Oxford University as a Rhodes Scholar in the philosophy, politics and economics program....ND will give him an honorary doctor of laws degree....This is Lugar's 36th honorary degree....In 2000 he spoke on behalf of Father Hesburgh when he received a U.S. Congressional Medal....In 2001 he and other Indiana politicians honored the women's basketball team after winning the NCAA tournament.carroll-new:
Campus Watch by the Gipper from Scholastic:
Near the end of February, one of South Quad's palaces experienced a flood in its basement. To clear the pipes, ND Maintenance Services brought in a machine with some serious giddy-up. However, this machine, which the workers supposedly claimed could "blow the guts out of anything," popped out something that you don't find in our dorm pipes everyday - a red thong from Victoria's Secret. According to our tipster, he and the rest of the amused hall staff are curiously looking for the culprit of this heinous crime, which, by the way, would only be newsworthy at two places - Notre Dame and a retirement home for priests. The Gipp is left to ask one simple favor: The next time you Zahmbies bring your "Boys' Night Out" activities to other dorms' bathrooms, please remember to take all of your party supplies home with you.
Hall Notes:
Part 8 and the final chapter in the 1979 parietals-abolishing issue...
The Observer headline blared: "Hesburgh Declares Parietals Must Stand." He finally dropped the hammer. Hesburgh also rejected the reduction of a parietals violation to a hall offense. He stated the parietals standards "can create an atmosphere conducive to education and growth, if they are observed." Hesburgh further described the campus gender relations atmosphere to be "generally healthy, wholesome and good." Father Ted was not about to let the dorms decide this issue on their own.
The February 21st Observer stated that the Hall Presidents' Council would not support Carroll. It was officially a dead issue.
The story did pop up one last time at the end of the year. The final Observer of each school year lists the "Top Ten Campus Stories" for that academic year. The Vermin act of defiance ended up as the #3 story of the year.
NDSportscenter:
So our hoops teams - except for Bookstore participants - are done for the year. The women made a very surprising run. They finished with a pre-NCAA tournament record of 19-10 after losing to Villanova in the quarterfinals of the Big East Tournament. The ladies were the #11 seed (not even in the top 40!) in the East. They knocked off #6 seed Arizona (22-8) in the first round. The real shocker came when they knocked off #3 Kansas State on their home court. K-State had a 22-game home winning streak prior to the game. So the ladies beat the odds and made the Sweet Sixteen. #2 seed Purdue then gave us a beating to end the season.
This was the 8th consecutive NCAA appearance for the women and 10th appearance overall. The ladies overall tourney record is 19-9. The men went for the third year in a row. It was the 27th appearance for the men and their overall record is 29-31. For the third year in a row (and only the third time in ND history), both the men's and women's teams were in the NCAA tourneys at the same time.
Women's basketball senior Alicia Ratay is going out with a superb resume. She holds ND records for 3-point field goal percentage (.476), 3-point field goals made (256), free throw percentage (.872), and games started (126). She is 4th in ND scoring. Her 3-point percentage is the best in NCAA history and her free throw percentage is 6th best in NCAA history. She is the only player in NCAA history to rank in the top 10 in both categories.
Another basketball note: alum David Graves has signed a one-year deal with the Dodge City (Kansas) Legend in the United States Basketball League. The 30-game season starts on Apr. 17th and runs through mid-June. Playing in Europe never materialized because of a broken thumb. Graves is still invited to return to the Chicago Bulls camp in the fall for another shot at the the NBA.